Bittersweet

It's been a week of bittersweet feelings... I don't like it.

I've been doing pretty well. We've made it almost through our year of "firsts". I've had so many people call and write offering such sweet support! I truly appreciate all the support. The year anniversary date of losing my nephew Andrew has come and gone - along with my 16yr wedding anniversary and my parents 44th. I thought it would be a lot harder... but actually the days before were the hardest & saddest.
I focused on my Mr Safety Man! I cannot believe it's been 16yrs married! It's been a blink!!

So this weekend was not a fun weekend... but it was a necessary one. We've been sorting, organizing, cleaning, throwing out, trying on, giving to Goodwill, etc etc etc. It feels good to get my life back in order. But for some reason I just don't feel like I have.

This summer is supposed to be about fun, spending time with my girls, and just make up for last summer. And I just don't think I'm there. I feel horrible that I'm always cleaning this place, always have something that needs to be done.

I see people and they are getting so much done, they're reading every day, doing fun crafts, just doing awesome stuff... and I feel like I haven't... But I guess maybe we have. Perhaps I am just whining...

I dunno you tell me - here's what we've been up to...

The first 10 days we were on vacation in Maine. We did get to do a lot of fun things...Like

Dedicating an important bench in Grammy San's name, spending time with Pam, Linda, & Sandy - we love you!

Special lady!

Installing Grammy San's granite bench in the woods on MORSE MT

Finding beautiful spots, spying Fairy Houses

Reflecting upon quiet moments

Investigating tide pools

Writing in the sand special to Mommy

Planning our new home (someday) Isn't this color the BEST?

Cuddling with my boy! Love this kiddo!

Loving the ocean!

Quality time with my nephew

Flirting with Mr Safety Man

Getting stuck with abyss below me... Watching beautiful waves coming in and out

Playing in the Buttercups

Smelling intoxicating Lupins

Sneaking some snuggles

Tiptoeing in the grass (boy I miss New England grass)

Being goofy

Rolling down REAL hills

Visiting old towers (sorry too tired to turn it)

Remembering our engagement on Mt Battie - admiring the CAMDEN harbo

Making bubbbbbles!

Sneaking some quality time with my sweeties

Stealing quiet moments by the Atlantic on a ROCKY beach

Finding fun spots to explore

Sharing family time

Loving our family

Standing up to my NEMESIS - Verona Island Bridge (over huge gorge) bleck!

Supporting, visiting, and loving three generations of family

Climbing like I couldn't 2 yrs before

Visiting Bath Maritime Museum and being in AWE of history

Becoming a fish...(visiting LL BEAN)

Celebrating Daddy's Day - and being GOOFY with 'said' Daddy!

Actually SWIMMING in sub zero water

Hunting for seashells after

And saying some hard goodbyes... LOVING spending time with our family

 And the rest of our time... well let's hit that tomorrow...

What a wonderful journey it's been... (2nd edit)

WOW is school really starting tomorrow... ?

I started my evening quiet time with a prayer, which led to tears, which lead to my soul singing and crying at the same time. I cannot believe how big my baby girls have grown. I cannot believe our "calm" and fun summer has come to a close. I cannot believe that they start school - one a FOURTH (Oh my good gracious is that really true? FOURTH grade?) and my baby in FIRST grade... how is this possible? We had such a great summer.

I am going on record to say... I LOVE SUMMERS. Well we all do right? Well I love summers because I get to spend the entire summer with my girls. I just want to keep them close and do LOTS of fun things together...I don't understand parents who "can't wait to get rid of their kids" - those thoughts just never really pass thru my mind! And for the most part this summer I think we did do fun things together and have a GREAT summer. I hope that my girls treasured their summer as much as I have.

During this quiet time tonight - as I was praying and trying to get a grip on tomorrow... I prayed so hard that the girls DID have a wonderful summer and that we made many, happy memories together... I know some of mine. But I also remember some of my not-so-great Momma moments... Sigh... I truly hope that they don't remember these times of short-tempered, or hurting days (that slowed down our summer) that I remember. I prayed thankfulness that the good days surpassed the bad. I hope they didn't mind too too much that this summer Momma had to take it easy... I truly hope.

Now school starts tomorrow and I will be alone in the house for the first time in quite awhile... I have specifically left things to do from our recent vacation. So that should help keep me occupied. I think I will also get lost in a good book for awhile.

We started tonight off with making a list of the daily activities so there was no confusion and I am to write up the family schedule ASAP and get it posted. I also decided that our family needed a theme for the year an idea that I recently read about in a wonderful blog I follow by a woman that just adores her family. I definitely will get back to her & her amazing attitude in a later blog (thank you Nie!) - but something just clicked while reading her blog and I knew... our family needed a theme as well...Something to concentrate upon... something to keep our family focused this year and not so chaotic... so I borrowed her idea and now...we have something that would keep our hearts and minds focused on what matters the most to us, God and our family.

I came up with:

Be Prepared

Listen and Follow with Your Heart

It's really quite simple... we wrote down our family thoughts on what it meant... they all were my favorite. Littlest Boo responded "it means to follow Jesus of course"... yes angel - you are more right than you know! Sooo I need to take my own advice. I need to be prepared for tomorrow. I need to be prepared mentally and physically. I am leaving my anxieties to the Lord (and with help from my good friends lol) and I am listening to my heart and allowing it to mourn the ending of one phase... but feel I am lead to rejoice in this new stage. There are most definitely anxieties wrapped up in a closing of one year to another. I will feel these different emotions listening and following my heart - but I will also move past them and try to take the wonderful new year for what it is.... more growing with my children - new phases and new discoveries. I will LISTEN with my heart to my girls... taking in every moment.

This week brings changes and they are all not good ones- and I think that's where I am anxious. Having our wonderful vacay at the end of the summer was fantastic - but bittersweet as well. Too soon the week was over and my parents/brother flew back to UT...too soon the fun and relaxtion was stopped and now my girls are going and I will make some TOUGH health decisions and choices this week.

Cast your anxieties upon the Lord!!

It's been a good - no great summer! But hopefully it will be a great school year as well!! I pray to be strong for the girls tomorrow and only boohoo when they cannot see me! (And I am not a crier!).

Thank you for the memories mes filles... it was a fantastic summer.

my girls are my muses tonight...