Highs and Lows

From a real high... to a super low. That seems about my pace! I was so excited for my accomplishment - running an entire 5k...  Then I hurt my heel - or my shin which connects to my heel so I haven't been able to continue running and I feel like a blob.

Our new little company - mArrineRs monTage - is now in a store (have I mentioned that yet?). It is SUPER exciting - we are in a physical location in Sarasota, FL! It's called MUSE GALLERIA and it is the neatest of stores. We are about 50 artists in this store and she recently decided we should do some craft shows/festivals in the area...and wanted me to make more of my crochet hats. Hats that take awhile to finish. Hats that are adorable and a good popular sale - but don't go as quickly as I would like.

Then the thought of increased stock started to reaallly force itself on me. Then the thought of more earrings, more aprons, more, more, more, more, !!!!!mooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!!!! really started to stress me out.  We were doing three large shows/activities in one week, then a BIG craft sale - Hunsaders Pumpkin festival, and then the biggest one yet in December...

the ATOMIC BAZAAR 

(do you hear the crowd cheering?). 

Well that getting accepted in to that bazaar (and yes there's a waiting list) really has been my ultimate goal for mArrineRs monTage -yes it was to get in to Atomic. And if I could do it through MUSE - well then that's what I had to do... the only problem was I had signed up for almost all the others she was planning.

Something had to give. I hated to do it...but after talking with Chris and seeing what this past week did to me with the TWO craft shows... I cut Hunsaders - pumpkin festival.  It killed me to do it... but I am glad I did. Sanity may win out yet.


Sooo the two shows this past week - went ok!!
Wednesday mArrineRs monTage was at a private craft show at MUSE Galleria's table - where ritzy rich ladies were looking to buy. I did ok! I sold a few things...(I think I was the biggest seller of items. We didn't do all that great as a table...but at least I sold things and came away happy).
~ What was my high here? My high was that MY HATS brought most everyone to the table! They were an eye catcher!! HOW COOL IS THAT?! The MUSE owner was so right... GOTTA MAKE MORE HATS... I even got a paid in full - pre-order!!! YES!!!
~ The low? I stood ALL day long and it was THE. LONGEST. DAY. EVERRRRRRrrrrrr. So much so that the heel that was starting to feel better... got worse.
Some shots from Wednesday's La Petit Marche':

my hats on the right and my earrings in the frame on the left

When people first walked in... one of their views

our entire table

my aprons on the left and background

 Then Saturday we had an arts & crafts sale again at the MUSE Galleria's table. It was held at a local botanical garden. I worked longer than I had signed up for (5.5 hours instead of 4) - and we sold a few more things. I am not sure the total yet... but I think we did ok! And I think the majority of my hats SOLD!!!
~ The high?! Seeing people interested in my stuff. Oh and getting to know a few of the artists better

~ The low... again? A super long day that never ended it seemed, standing for so long, and not selling any aprons or skirts. But as I am known to say (or 'as they say'):  t'ant pis... c'est la vie... je m'en fou... it is was it is. I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

Sunday was filled with doing crafts for the girls, getting down decorations for the girls, helping the girls, breaking up fights between the girls, watching a movie with the girls (while I tried to start a project for myself), fixing food for the girls... you see my point. It was just the girls and me. But we had a really nice day. A nice day - just super busy and consumed in my girlies. I hope they remember I was there for them - even though my mind WARRED with itself on getting things done/working on hats/working on sewing/cleaning this mess of a house/ etc etc etc etc etc - but my heart won out and I spent a lot of time with my kiddos (until football at 4pm - when the Patriots played! ;) hehehe).
Here are two aprons I put up in our Etsy store today from what I started on Sunday!!(www.marrinersmontage.etsy.com):

So highs... and lows...that's what it is. I wish the highs would outweigh the lows for once - or at least stop the lows from overtaking the good feelings. I hate that. It seems a bit harder for me to keep them away or not concentrate on them.

Eh... maybe if I ignore them they'll go away... going to go squeeze my girls!

I leave you with Boo - overcoming her fear of skating this weekend!

Even through the exhaustion and what a long day it was already on Saturday... 

this was a high for me this weekend!!

PSsst is this thing on? Anybody there?

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse...

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you leave something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below
When you you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face

And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you
~~Coldplay (here)

Exhausted...

Life's been rather exhausting lately. But I am not quite sure why I am more exhausted than I normally am... It seems like I cannot quite get past 2:30 or 3 without feeling like I am just going to fall over asleep. I am used to go, go, going and only getting a few hours of sleep. I think I may have depleted quite a few of my "banks" and am running below fumes...

There are a few med. 'people' I am supposed to go see and talk to... but I hate going and am procrastinating. Not a good thing... I know. Shame on me. I still haven't taken a test I totally forgot about...Double shame on me. I'm treading water trying to stay on top of everything else! (No excuses I know...).

On the up side... I've started running again. It's really addicting - I had forgotten how much I love it - once I get moving. It's a little bit of a meditation for me.  Right now I am running at home on the treadmill as it's so stinking hot outside. Apparently my pup (Moose- the Choc Lab) loves it too - he's so funny - he puts his front paws on the treadmill and "runs" along behind me! Mr Safety-Man videoed it but you can also see me (and it's not a pretty site) so we'll have to re-film him doing it! One of my goals for the last few years after getting my spine "fixed" is to run in a few races... the first being a 5k. I would REALLY like to run one of those to start... but after that who knows? I don't need to run a race - but really wanted a goal.

 It feels good to run again. I may need to increase the protein and eat a few more little meals. Perhaps that is why I am always so tired now-a-days?

Things just are not 'running' correctly right now...
I just think I need to do a major overhaul again with this body, mind, and spirit.

Cannot seem to get my mind engaged

I have a lot of things in my head going round and round... and yet I cannot remember a thing. NOT ONE THING! I usually pride myself on my memory. I will fully admit that once I got pregnant I lost some of my memory pride... HOWEVER... I thought it was all coming back!

There's a lot of things going on here... is it enough to erase my memory? I used to multi-task so much better! I mean I ran my own database group, had tons of meetings, ran meetings, deadlines, schedules, prioritized, that was me! ugh...

Today I missed my personal training appointment. NAMASTE my bottom. I was so mad. This is the second time. I wish I could say I had a good reason. The first time missed - the girls didn't have school on Monday. On Tuesday (my appt day) I thought it was Monday all day... so miss 1. Today... well there was- absolutely no reason... at all - except my minds been very occupied lately - and I just buried myself in cleaning. Big time. Well at least the house looks good - or at least is starting to look good! Boo hoo... I know.

It seems like a lot is going on all at once. And what started as a peaceful - yet filled with thinking - type of day - has turned in to kind of a stressful day. So maybe my mind's TOO engaged? Too many decisions to make, too many unknowns, too many emotions. I guess?!

But I did get in my exercising tonight! I still cannot believe I can do some of the things I have been doing lately! It is so refreshing... it's been TOO long. YES!

LACKADAISICAL... definition of Kymmie

Well I have to say that is EXACTLY the right term for me... I feel so badly... so lacking life, spirit, or zest the last few days! Heck I haven't even updated my blog or completely dressed since I have been home from Utah!!!

I have to say - traveling is very difficult. It truly is. And for me - I don't know what it is but going from the West to the East... it is more difficult! We had a FANTABULOUS vacation and I will post about that very soon! I am so excited to say that I have made some physical improvements... but as most people who know me know - it just isn't enough for me. I want to be better NOW!!! And being lackadaisical (OK I just love saying that word... it actually is lifting my spirits at I write it...say it with me my friends - LACK - A - DAI - SI - CAL!!!! See? FUN!) has been my norm the last few days. But I want to be so much more. I ask a lot of myself - this I know! I guess it is permissable since we didn't get home until after 1AM on Tuesday night. And then poor Boo got sick at school and was sent home yesterday and was home after throwing up last night... Oh boy! Plus a lot of sitting with a newly fused back - and not able to lie down in the plane, oh and add in there a 2 hour round trip to Provo before the plane ride... well it's becoming obvious to me why I hurt so badly right now. But man... can't something go right so I can get off my poor me/pity party and actually prove that I am starting to be more "me" again and am actually improving! I hope people can see that?!

Is it ok to allow myself some time to re-cupe? I think so... But honestly... I don't want to re-cupe anymore. I want to be absolutely fine. I am really finished with healing and waiting. I want to feel good enough to decorate - I AM in the holiday spirit... I DO want to do so much to get ready for Christmas... and yet... here it is... already December 3rd! I want to feel so fine that I can fix up my house, run errands again, help my friends who have helped me so much, fold laundry, DRIVE... heck ANYWHERE, and well - just be the normal (or well in my case... abnormal) Kymmie that I was before all my back issues.

Soooo to the wind with the lackadaisical attitude... I will start with baby steps! YES! That's what I will do...

Tomorrow I will glaze some adorable hand & foot prints which have helped me make some money towards a HUGE Christmas present for my family (I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT) and that is a great thing! Then it will be on to doing a little decorating of some of my FAVORITE things... like my garland I made 2 years ago... AND then on to making a new garland to go across the room from that one! So there are THREE things to get excited about... and if I am still feeling up to it - I will try to walk for a bit to see how I can do on that. Hmmmm that makes me feel better... some targets/goals. Something to look forward to - and yet something that will not make me feel overwhelmed. I like it.

And maybe... just maybe... I will get a little date night with my hubby tomorrow night. It's been WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, FARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too long! So... I guess it's ok to feel, acknowledge, and then carry on!!!

Fa... La... La-La...Laaaaaaaaaaaa... La-La...LA... LA!!!!

What a wonderful journey it's been... (2nd edit)

WOW is school really starting tomorrow... ?

I started my evening quiet time with a prayer, which led to tears, which lead to my soul singing and crying at the same time. I cannot believe how big my baby girls have grown. I cannot believe our "calm" and fun summer has come to a close. I cannot believe that they start school - one a FOURTH (Oh my good gracious is that really true? FOURTH grade?) and my baby in FIRST grade... how is this possible? We had such a great summer.

I am going on record to say... I LOVE SUMMERS. Well we all do right? Well I love summers because I get to spend the entire summer with my girls. I just want to keep them close and do LOTS of fun things together...I don't understand parents who "can't wait to get rid of their kids" - those thoughts just never really pass thru my mind! And for the most part this summer I think we did do fun things together and have a GREAT summer. I hope that my girls treasured their summer as much as I have.

During this quiet time tonight - as I was praying and trying to get a grip on tomorrow... I prayed so hard that the girls DID have a wonderful summer and that we made many, happy memories together... I know some of mine. But I also remember some of my not-so-great Momma moments... Sigh... I truly hope that they don't remember these times of short-tempered, or hurting days (that slowed down our summer) that I remember. I prayed thankfulness that the good days surpassed the bad. I hope they didn't mind too too much that this summer Momma had to take it easy... I truly hope.

Now school starts tomorrow and I will be alone in the house for the first time in quite awhile... I have specifically left things to do from our recent vacation. So that should help keep me occupied. I think I will also get lost in a good book for awhile.

We started tonight off with making a list of the daily activities so there was no confusion and I am to write up the family schedule ASAP and get it posted. I also decided that our family needed a theme for the year an idea that I recently read about in a wonderful blog I follow by a woman that just adores her family. I definitely will get back to her & her amazing attitude in a later blog (thank you Nie!) - but something just clicked while reading her blog and I knew... our family needed a theme as well...Something to concentrate upon... something to keep our family focused this year and not so chaotic... so I borrowed her idea and now...we have something that would keep our hearts and minds focused on what matters the most to us, God and our family.

I came up with:

Be Prepared

Listen and Follow with Your Heart

It's really quite simple... we wrote down our family thoughts on what it meant... they all were my favorite. Littlest Boo responded "it means to follow Jesus of course"... yes angel - you are more right than you know! Sooo I need to take my own advice. I need to be prepared for tomorrow. I need to be prepared mentally and physically. I am leaving my anxieties to the Lord (and with help from my good friends lol) and I am listening to my heart and allowing it to mourn the ending of one phase... but feel I am lead to rejoice in this new stage. There are most definitely anxieties wrapped up in a closing of one year to another. I will feel these different emotions listening and following my heart - but I will also move past them and try to take the wonderful new year for what it is.... more growing with my children - new phases and new discoveries. I will LISTEN with my heart to my girls... taking in every moment.

This week brings changes and they are all not good ones- and I think that's where I am anxious. Having our wonderful vacay at the end of the summer was fantastic - but bittersweet as well. Too soon the week was over and my parents/brother flew back to UT...too soon the fun and relaxtion was stopped and now my girls are going and I will make some TOUGH health decisions and choices this week.

Cast your anxieties upon the Lord!!

It's been a good - no great summer! But hopefully it will be a great school year as well!! I pray to be strong for the girls tomorrow and only boohoo when they cannot see me! (And I am not a crier!).

Thank you for the memories mes filles... it was a fantastic summer.

my girls are my muses tonight...