I DID IT!!!! I met one of my goals!

{Ok this is really a different look for Blogger (can you tell I haven't been on for awhile)... so bare with me as I try this new format out.}

[Post Edit... I know I go in to a lot of explanation - but this way I can cement this beautiful experience in my brain! It was inspirational, truly]

I have to say... I am super proud.

I DID IT!!! 

I ran my first 5k and I didn't walk...not even one little step... I ran my heart out. I ran and ran and ran. I did it with our friend Captn Sue. She cracks me up... to prepare for our run - she ran with me only TWO times - one mile each!! And she walked part of those two miles. I, on the other hand have been running at least 3-4 times a week working myself up to 3 miles! And I finally did it... the day of the race.

Our view on our way to the race!

Just before our race... look at our view of the ocean

Race was just about to start-quick shot in front of the Start

I remember the first mile being exciting... We ran next to an ARMY battalion and Captn. Sue being an ARMY helicopter pilot herself... 'sounded off' with them! It was so cool. We also saw Batman running... he cracked me up. It was just WOW... looking at all the people running or walking for Breast Cancer, passing walkers, inspired by the women who are survivors... feeling an overwhelming sense of belonging there to show my support.

And they're off...

Can you see Batman?

Reading some of the signs people were wearing "I'm running for..." or "In memory of..." it really, really made me cherish what I have and those around me. I can't put in to words the feelings that were going through my brain when the start horn rang... I guess excitement, nervousness, honor (to be there doing a run for a wonderful cause), humbleness, and angst over reaching my goal.

I had such wonderful support. Captn Sue & I ran together until we saw my Mr Safety Man with FOUR girls with him... he was mock-babysitter of CS's dear daughter and one extra we were watching for the morning.

Spotting our family

Tearing up...seeing my Mr SafetyMan and the girls

Some treats for the kiddos

Loved seeing our support

 But as I spotted Dear Mr Safety Man right before mile marker one...
I then saw my girls and they each had made special signs for me...SO SPECIAL...

I will cherish that image in my heart...F.O.R.E.V.E.R!!!

It reads "9605 (my #) go Kiper (Kipper) Love BooBooBear" (long story)

"Go Momy love, Sweetpea" (love the 'momy')

Truly I will never forget it. It made me tear up and choke up. And crying while running is really hard!
After Mile Marker 1, I pulled ahead for awhile. Captn Sue was close behind and she didn't walk the entire course either!! SO PROUD OF BOTH OF US! I kept turning and clapping and encouraging her on... she'd give me a thumbs up that she was ok. The funniest part was when little kiddos would pass us and not even seem winded... oh the youth!

Now by Mile Marker 2 - I was ready for some water- in fact I couldn't wait thinking I was going to die without it.  I made the mistake of going for one of the first people holding water out - & so did

Every.Single.Walker.in.front.of.me.

I almost stopped running and started to walk to try and navigate and get through plus catch my breath... even though in my head I kept singing (think Dori from Nemo...) "JUST KEEP RUNNING! JUST KEEP RUNNING". 

I am so blessed I was running with Captn Sue- as she had gotten in front of me and was waiting - running in place and back to me, took one look at me and in the drill sergeant tone she has... demanded "COME ON KIDDO! You can do it! THROW DOWN THAT WATER, just swish it! COME ON! LET'S GO"!!!!! Now if she hadn't done that... I think I would have started to walk, but I didn't... I went... and then at another point when I thought I could not continue - she pointed out that we were on the last big turn... that I could do it! It was so good to have the support! 
From Mile Marker 2 until about half way to the end I was struggling a bit but I pushed myself on - giving little pep talks in my brain ("JUST KEEP RUNNING Kymmie JUST KEEP RUNNING JUST KEEP RUNNING").  We were lucky however that there was a FANTASTIC breeze, I wish it was pushing along like in the beginning of the race - but it helped to cool us off. And that sun hit hard when we rounded the last turn with about a 1/4mile left to the race.

I pushed hard to get to the left turn at the finish line. I could see the people turning and I knew it was close... Captn Sue and I picked up our pace a little and when we made that turn... I told her "COME ON...PUMP IT UP! SPRINT TO THE END" and we did... we pushed ourselves super hard and reached the finish line together (with Sue trying to get her hand in front of me!!! LOL).

We did the 5k in (I think) under 39 minutes. I had a slight malfunction with the stopwatch. We figure on average we did about an 11minute mile!! 

And then I felt very yucky. Like embarrassingly yucky- enough that I started to retch (sorry TMI). But there are all these people on the sidelines and a barricade in front of them so I couldn't get through. I couldn't believe I might hurl on these poor people. I stopped and bent over and there was Captn Sue in my ear again. COME ONE KIDDO DON'T STOP... you HAVE to keep walking" SO I did... and retched some more. BUT I am proud to say - I didn't boot. Oh thank goodness for small miracles... I didn't boot.

Cooling down after the race...a bit red-faced!

Mr Safety Man tried to get to the finish line before I did - but he had to drop off Captn Sue's dear daughter at her class and hike over with 3 other girls... but he was there so soon after I got there... I truly appreciated him being there. The girls were all so proud and supportive and most of all my sweet, dear, Mr Safety Man took some cute shots of us and told me he was proud of me.  I got such WONDERFUL support from my friends and family and it gave me such power as I was running. I truly felt them all there in my heart, and supporting me with their wonderful prayers and thoughts. It truly was inspiring and hard (again) to put in to words.

One of my BIGGEST fans!

I really did it!!

I TRIUMPHED!!

WEEeeee TRIUMPHED!

My fans with one taking the photo!

I . DID . IT !!!! I DID IT!

I did it EXACTLY 2 years after my life-changing HUGE spinal surgery... 

I did it when 2 years ago I could not even walk without a walker!

I did it with the grace of God, support from my loved ones, and hard work.

I met one of my life-long goals.

It feels really good.

Exhausted...

Life's been rather exhausting lately. But I am not quite sure why I am more exhausted than I normally am... It seems like I cannot quite get past 2:30 or 3 without feeling like I am just going to fall over asleep. I am used to go, go, going and only getting a few hours of sleep. I think I may have depleted quite a few of my "banks" and am running below fumes...

There are a few med. 'people' I am supposed to go see and talk to... but I hate going and am procrastinating. Not a good thing... I know. Shame on me. I still haven't taken a test I totally forgot about...Double shame on me. I'm treading water trying to stay on top of everything else! (No excuses I know...).

On the up side... I've started running again. It's really addicting - I had forgotten how much I love it - once I get moving. It's a little bit of a meditation for me.  Right now I am running at home on the treadmill as it's so stinking hot outside. Apparently my pup (Moose- the Choc Lab) loves it too - he's so funny - he puts his front paws on the treadmill and "runs" along behind me! Mr Safety-Man videoed it but you can also see me (and it's not a pretty site) so we'll have to re-film him doing it! One of my goals for the last few years after getting my spine "fixed" is to run in a few races... the first being a 5k. I would REALLY like to run one of those to start... but after that who knows? I don't need to run a race - but really wanted a goal.

 It feels good to run again. I may need to increase the protein and eat a few more little meals. Perhaps that is why I am always so tired now-a-days?

Things just are not 'running' correctly right now...
I just think I need to do a major overhaul again with this body, mind, and spirit.

Challenging

I sit here in San's room... it's dark... it's quiet except for her quiet hypnotic breathing and Amazing Grace CD on in the background. Candy's back - and we made San a promise tonight that she wouldn't be alone in her room. That one of us would be here. It was a hard evening of tears, things needing to be said, goodbye's of such, and preparation for San to find her peace.

It's been a challenging few days... truly. While Candy was gone my Safety Man and I took care of Sandra. She got up probably a total of 15-20 times in the afternoon. I helped her to the commode and off each and every time (I really, really miss my back brace), helped her with whatever she needed. I was awake from 9:30am and decided after watching my dear, poor hubby just wither with stress, sadness, remorse, depression, and exhaustion that he needed to sleep the entire night... yep - that meant an 'all-nighter' for me - for my shift. But I didn't tell him that. He needed the sleep. He needed to be able to detach for awhile.

Soooooo I didn't exactly lie - as he asked me to wake him... but I didn't exactly tell him I had already planned to let him sleep. I didn't even doze, nor drift off, nor nod... I just couldn't sleep. Watched 1 movie - The Ugly Truth it was ok for a no brainer movie. I listened to San, read, prayed, and thought.

I made it to 5:15ish AM... woke Mr Safety-Man and then San woke up so I helped him with her again until 6:30AM. Then crashed. Only to awake to the biggest headache i've had in months. A huge, tension migraine that had me tossing my cookies (but mostly my meds). So i slept...and slept - and prayed. Poor Mr Safety-Man- i didn't want him to have to worry 'bout me. But he did because he loves me.

A bit before dinner - San was at the table and & told us her mind was all garbled. She barely talks now. Candy told her it seemed her body was telling us 1 thing - but her head was holding on... We all 3 got her to bed, tucked her in, told her we loved her, that if she had to go we would be ok, told her there was a part of her in all of us (she replied "I hope all good parts"), she asked for her sister Auntie Jan. (She came much later for awhile and sat by her bedside chatting with us) We hugged San and loved her. We cried tears of sadness, but of happiness too. For her to rejoice to be with our Lord. We asked her to say hi to Grampa Doc, Nain, Mandy her pup, Kayla - Candy's pup. And she slept. I wanted MY girls to be able to tell her how much they love her... it is important to them and to her. I called them and told them to tell her just how much. Ky told her that she loves her to the moon, through the stars and universe and back again. I cried. BooBooBear told her that she loves her even more than horses!!!!! I cried again. They both love their Grandma San so much. And though she was mostly asleep - she heard - nodded - and told them each how much that she loves them too. I cried some more.

Then Candy read a poem to her from the book May I Walk You Home by Joyce Hutchinson and prayers by Joyce Rupp. I will write the words in another post...too hard write now.

She's gotten up twice with Candy. And now on my watch she's gotten up twice in a row (within 20 minutes of eachother) and just made movement to get up again. I pray she sleeps. She deserves some peace.

Safety-Man and I went down the street to grab a bite to bring back. I asked him if we could go visit Grampa Doc - I needed to talk to him. In the cemetary en route to the gravesite there were lavender lilacs. Nain and my favorites. I asked SMan to stop and I picked a bunch. Nain is with me. We sat by Grampa Doc's grave overlooking the ocean. We spoke to him in our heads. It is time. It is time. I pray they walk San home. Nain on one side, Grampa Doc on the other and the pups alllll around her.

She isn't doing well tonight. Restless. The second time she got up...I was helping her back to bed and I asked her to hold on to me to shuffle back around. And she clung to me and patted me and hugged me. I found peace in that moment.

Arrival

So we arrived yesterday in the beautiful state of Maine. The trip was virtually uneventful...although I went to go put on my back brace (travelling still hurts my back rather badly) and got side-tracked. Well... apparently the blessed brace slipped and fell and got LEFT at the Tampa airport. I didn't figure it out until we almost got to Baltimore... I was instantly so stressed out... an almost $1000 piece of equipment that insurance would not pay for again... I was so angry with myself.

Luckily when we got to our gate in Baltimore we called and low and behold someone had turned it in right away (why they couldn't bring it down the ramp and say "HEY does this belong to someone?" I dunno).

His Mimi (maternal Grandma) and Auntie Jan (his mom's sister) stopped in when we first arrived. Mimi was quite lucid and talkative! She even remembered me this time (phew... that made it easier) - even scolded me on the phone a few days before we left -upset we hadn't visited her as promised before we went back to FL!

San is not doing well. She has gone quite downhill. She was catheterized on Thursday (and not happy about it). She is completely unaware of timing and gets up so often. She now has a hospital bed which is good. She is constantly trying to get up and go eat or go to the bathroom (even with the cath). Candy (Mr Safety-Man's sister) has been doing an incredible job with her. But it has drained her completely. Plus she has her 4-yr old son here as well. We have come to relieve some of the pressures. San's been getting up at least 10-12 times a night!

We are on 100% support system now. We decided to do shifts. I took first shift and stayed awake all day until 3am. I was going to try and do an all-nighter to let Candy and my Safety-man sleep - but just couldn't do it. He got up at 2:50am and I was starting to nod off. So he told me to go to bed and he stayed awake (or tried to) until San got up at 5am! YES! She stayed asleep the entire night! Candy got a better night sleep and I crashed until almost 9:30am.

Today Candy has gone with her hubby and son to have a family day/night. Her hubby is leaving for a few days to CT and she needed a big break and to stay in her own home. So far my Safety-Man and I have been doing ok with her. She's gotten up twice... she feels she has to go potty a lot and is losing sense of time. But we help her to the potty, I drain the cath, help her on the potty and off, and help her with her clothes. Then back to her room and tucked in...

It's incredibly difficult to have to do this for her... humbling, yet in a way it is very rewarding and I feel like I am doing something to give San/Mom/Grammy San peace. She loves us all so very much and have told us all that numerous times and gives big hugs and kisses to us all the time.

It's a hard week...but very fulfilling to be here.