"Bigges HUG evahhhhhh"

Ever since BooBooBear was able to talk she would always ask for hugs. Heck since she was a tiny infant she wanted to give me hugs... These are those heartfelt...squeezes. The ones that you just do not want to stop. I LOVE my kiddos' snuggles... I just love them. We are an affectionate family and I just love to snuggle up to my babes.

Sometimes BooBooBear would continue until you really would have to extricate yourself - to get things done. Sometimes I would fall asleep in that comfortable embrace. And sometimes I would say... "that's not as much as a hug as yesterday..." - to which she would reply... "Do you want a biggah hug?"and then she would squeeze me as hard as she could.

Thus the birth of "tha Bigges...HUG... EVAHhhhhhhhhs"... It would happen so often... Starting with the familiar question...

Boo: "Ma-me (mommy), do you wan tha bigges hug EVAH?" (gradually getting louder as said)
Me: "ooo of course I do!"
And then the huge hug (well for a little toddler) and sometimes it would continue to...
Boo: "o I can do anuddah one bettah" and
Me: "OK let's see"
So it would be almost nightly - and before naps too...really whenever she needed a squeeze & a squish.

My Bigges Hugs Evah's  continued through many years... then suddenly were forgotten or stopped this past year. BooBoo didn't stop hugging. No, she just stopped giving me giant huge hugs labeled has BHEs (which were actually getting REALLY strong and I would have to ready myself for them). I hadn't really forgotten my special hugs - but had. Life was hard and busy this year. Until recently I didn't even notice they had stopped.

Then suddenly - just as suddenly as they had stopped, and as I realized I was missing them, they started back up again last weekend...

Boo: "Momma do you want the  "bigges hug EVAH?" (gradually getting louder as said)
Me: "ooo of course I do!" "You haven't done one of these in FOREVERrrrrrrr!!"
Boo: "WHAT?" (the way Boo says that phrase is another whole post in itself)
"REALLY?? Hmmmm"
And then the huge hug (and this time was HUMONGOUS) and then continued to...
Boo: "o I can do anathah one bettah wanna see?"
Me: "OK let's see"
And sure enough... it was bigger, and BETTER.

Tha Bigges HUG EVAHHHhhhhhh are Mommy's special hugs... something just between my baby girl and me and I cherish them and hope they never end.
I missed those hugs and am so glad they are back!!!

Arrival

So we arrived yesterday in the beautiful state of Maine. The trip was virtually uneventful...although I went to go put on my back brace (travelling still hurts my back rather badly) and got side-tracked. Well... apparently the blessed brace slipped and fell and got LEFT at the Tampa airport. I didn't figure it out until we almost got to Baltimore... I was instantly so stressed out... an almost $1000 piece of equipment that insurance would not pay for again... I was so angry with myself.

Luckily when we got to our gate in Baltimore we called and low and behold someone had turned it in right away (why they couldn't bring it down the ramp and say "HEY does this belong to someone?" I dunno).

His Mimi (maternal Grandma) and Auntie Jan (his mom's sister) stopped in when we first arrived. Mimi was quite lucid and talkative! She even remembered me this time (phew... that made it easier) - even scolded me on the phone a few days before we left -upset we hadn't visited her as promised before we went back to FL!

San is not doing well. She has gone quite downhill. She was catheterized on Thursday (and not happy about it). She is completely unaware of timing and gets up so often. She now has a hospital bed which is good. She is constantly trying to get up and go eat or go to the bathroom (even with the cath). Candy (Mr Safety-Man's sister) has been doing an incredible job with her. But it has drained her completely. Plus she has her 4-yr old son here as well. We have come to relieve some of the pressures. San's been getting up at least 10-12 times a night!

We are on 100% support system now. We decided to do shifts. I took first shift and stayed awake all day until 3am. I was going to try and do an all-nighter to let Candy and my Safety-man sleep - but just couldn't do it. He got up at 2:50am and I was starting to nod off. So he told me to go to bed and he stayed awake (or tried to) until San got up at 5am! YES! She stayed asleep the entire night! Candy got a better night sleep and I crashed until almost 9:30am.

Today Candy has gone with her hubby and son to have a family day/night. Her hubby is leaving for a few days to CT and she needed a big break and to stay in her own home. So far my Safety-Man and I have been doing ok with her. She's gotten up twice... she feels she has to go potty a lot and is losing sense of time. But we help her to the potty, I drain the cath, help her on the potty and off, and help her with her clothes. Then back to her room and tucked in...

It's incredibly difficult to have to do this for her... humbling, yet in a way it is very rewarding and I feel like I am doing something to give San/Mom/Grammy San peace. She loves us all so very much and have told us all that numerous times and gives big hugs and kisses to us all the time.

It's a hard week...but very fulfilling to be here.

JE LES ADORE... vraiment

JE LES ADORE...beaucoup

Two songs... that really have me emotional tonight...

The first is a familiar one to most... Greenday's Time of Your Life...
http://www.ilike.com/artist/TIME+OF+YOUR+LIFE/track/GREENDAY

"Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.
So make the best of this task
and don`t ask why.
It`s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
of good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it`s worth,
it was worth all the while.
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."

It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."

A hard song for me to listen to tonight... but hey it's allowing me to get some of these feelings out... silently crying, silent & alone, sitting here, thinking about how much I will miss her, how my poor girls will be so sad without their grammy san. How much she has meant to this family. How close I have become to her... a lady of strength. I truly hope she's had the time of her life... She has added to mine...

The second song is from Skillet... Called Rest. A song that's helping me try to grasp all this crap (because that's exactly what it is)... a song that somewhere somehow is trying to give me peace... http://www.ilike.com/artist/Skillet/track/Rest (ignore the video... i don't think it's theirs)
Still, soft quietly spoken voice, that persistently calls my name,
And quickens my heart to come, And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You, Is rest for the weary soul,
Releasing all that is mine I reach for You

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

Take the old and You make it new, Everything I give to You,
You're the hope that can pull me through, HALLELUJAH!!!
HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH!

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

I love you so much San/Mom.

Please give me strength Lord. You are the hope that can pull me through.

Freeport photos...

LL Bean was amazing and so many changes! I couldn't believe it! We were not so impressed with the poor moose on the wall... WE LOVE MOOSE!! The children's section was FABULOUS... even the bears were attacking the girls with love... it was so much fun! Check out the new fish tank with the observation "bubble"! AMAZING.

Some Yo Yo's on a quilt...the EXACT thing I want to do with my girl's fave shirts... My friend, Amy and Grammy San's going to have to re-teach me...(pleeeease?). Check out the church... established 1789!! WOW! I love that history! Spring was also arriving...DAFFODILS!

The Inn where we stayed... but the best parts that kept us going... Chris' MOXIE - Maine soda and Kymmie's Lobstah roll... yummmmm BABYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

Re-Juvenate

So today's been a day of re-grouping, rejuvenating, re-evaluating, and realizing.
I just cannot believe how tired I am from all the emotional strain and it's not even my parent!

Mr. Safety-man's handling things well. The hardest for me (us) is seeing this incredibly STRONG woman go from doing everything on her own to barely being able to do much - but atill think, believe, & hope she can continue on her own. It is so hard to watch her go thru all his and then have to watch Safety-man do the same bleck. I wish this on no-one.

But since Grammy San had two major appts (homehealth care assessment & hospice volunteer coordinator) and it was to be a "big day" for San... The girls & I went to Bluehill library, a local park on the water (sighhhhh gorgeous), a bit of grocery shopping, & walking around tiny "main", downtown!

Oh it was fun. At the library (have i ever said how much i love, love, LOVE libraries and this one's OLD!) we did some research on Ky's speech, did some homework sheets, read, looked at the lovely children's artwork and just enjoyed ourselves. Got some neat stuff outta there too. Then a lovely afternoon in the park- sun finally out temp's rising from 48 earlier in the day to 58 down to 35 tonight...Brrrrrrr! time to bundle up!!! Watching the girls run and play, giggle and argue, need eachother and need to be independent...listening to the shore sounds... I just needed that to reboot, reprogram, rejuvenate. My girls sometime drain me but for the most part they give me so much....so much of themselves and just plain make me happy.

But as i reflect on today after hearing the home healthcare nurse i realized that i have precious time, with my mother-in-law, with my girls as they are young, with my family all together... That it's so important to tell those i love that i DO love them and my life wouldn't be the same or as wonderful without them.

Yes. That is how i will Re-member things...the love i got to grow strpnger while beong up here-ah in Blue Hill, Maine.

(please excuse the errors... Doing this on the iPhone is NOT an easy task...no internet connection except rhis phone! Heck MY cell phone hasn't even worked!!)

And awayyyyyyyyyyy we go...

Well everything but the girls shoes and toiletries are packed up...
Hard to believe this time I've dreaded to come is here. We are off to visit and probably say goodbye to my Safety-Man's momma. It will be extremely emotional for all of us... I am sure it will definitely be hard. I am sure it will be draining and sad. But I also hope that we have some wonderful, lasting memories. Some happy, memorable times.

I am looking forward to going to the Grasshopper Shoppe, and some sweet local shops in Blue Hill. I am MOST looking forward to seeing our loved ones and walking, playing, being at the seaside at Mimi's (Mr Safety-Man's grandma) house. And of course seeing the bed and breakfast mansion we almost bought - Arcady DownEast - our dream home... A girl can dream right?!

Sigh... ok here we go... We can do this...

A LoVeLy start to Spring BREAK!

Our campsite!

We were fortunate enough to be able to go to Fort Wilderness for the beginning of Spring Break... We probably should have stayed home...but we SO needed to "get away". It just was not long enough. I really felt that this was so needed for our family right now. We are going through some HIGH stress with Mr Safety-Man's work but mostly dealing with the news of his mom having cancer... yep...he had to work - but not too long!

Needless to say Mr Safety-man's been very pre-occupied with all of that, traveling up to Maine to be with his Mom for a long weekend, AND his supervisor position with USA hockey. The seminars, supervising tournaments, and reffing has had him away from us for many weekends. We just needed to be Marriners. To be family. To get away from the stress. To just get away. To swim and play. To relax. To have fun. To love and be loved!!

I still cannot believe we went swimming...brrrrrr

The girls were ALL over their Daddy... I loved watching it! We ALL - YES - ALL - even Mommy went swimming. It was chilly - but the gleeful squeals and giggles from their little bodies made it all worth it!

my favorite crinkly nose giggles Always a mess this one... always a super, sweet smile

They were absolute ANGELS! And when I say that - I REALLY mean it!! There was really no trouble at all - and we had some long days/nights! Oh it was so worth it. I even relaxed! I had fun! I camped! I enjoyed! I smiled! I laughed! I played! I swam! I loved my family! And we made memories!

Oh I could add so many more photos... but you get the idea... a lovely start to a wonderful Spring Break 2010~!!

I just LOVE being with my babes. These times together are awesome!