Foggy Fast Forward

So I haven't been writing like I should... I wanted to write so many times - but it just seems like the last few weeks have been a blur no matter how I am trying to slow them down... First I've been sick with a bad head cold for 5 days. THAT IS UNHEARD OF for me... I HATE being sick and I actually have slept 2 mornings COMPLETELY away. I feel like I am looking through life right now through a foggy veil of haziness. It's all I can do just to focus. Also it the end of the year activities with the school. Both girls have had a lot going on... a lot of helping at the school, end of year class trips, school plays, school luncheons, school, school, school!! The hardest part my Sweetpea's coming to an end of her elementary school career... it's super hard to imagine her heading off to middle school (6th grade) next Fal - so hard it brings tears - stinging my eyes. How fast these years have flown by? I am trying to make a dress for her for her "graduation" next Thursday and I have to add FIVE inches to the dress! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? FIVE inches? When did my lil' baby girl get to be so big?

I've been working on outfits for the summer for the girls... especially after Sweetpea said to me "Mommy you've made so many things for other people... you haven't made ME anyyyyyything in a lonnnnng time"... well time to put my babies FIRST on my list... after all THEY are why I am staying home... and THEY are my very top priority... AND THEY are the loves of my life! Sooooo outfits we started - I used Jona G's (from Fabritopia) patterns - EVELYN skirt for the girls.
Take a gander at these beaut's (if I do say so myself - although the girls' smiles speak wonders as well)...

BooBooBear's skirt and tank top made with Riley Blake's Summer Song complete with homemade tree applique

ABSOLUTELY love this photo...

And the back...

Sweetpea's skirt made with Dena Design fabric and apron in Heather Bailey

 

Loving her outfit...

We LOVE the birdies on the fabric!

Here's her tank top with our homemade birdie applique! LOVING the cap sleeves! A cute modest touch!

And now am working on dresses for each of the girls!
I love sewing for them... I am happy and sad of the changes... it just seems to me that life has suddenly been put on this crazy Fast Forward. It just seems that time keeps on marching by... despite the fact that I want it to slow down, to make a still shot of these moments, to let me relish this time with my girlies...

Blue

The skies are certainly blue. I love being able to see it. The sun does help me warm up - I just wish my mood wasn't so blue. Why? Why do I feel the way I feel? It is frustrating and heartbreaking.

We had a WONDERFUL and I mean WONDERFUL Spring Break. I cannot wait to post photos! We were really in our element. It was SO good to be together as a family. I love our time together. I truly, truly do. 

Families are forever.

I believe that with all my heart.

It was so fun together. We had a TERRIFIC week!  But then it rained the last day. We had to leave a bit earlier - not my choice. And it hit...our wonderful Disney World passes that I didn't think were even obtainable when we actually got them - until they were in our hot little hands- are expiring at the end of this month. There is no renewing them... not this year. Not with the year we've had. It's too bad. I really love going to Disney World. I know how lucky we were to be able to get our annual passes. I love to see my little, sweet girls' faces when go on a ride or show they love. I love that my oldest (11yrs old) still lights up that Minney Mouse waved to her.."She looked right at me Mommy and WAVED!!!".  It's been such a blessing to help us get a through a really tough time. A time I am sorry to say that is never gone. It's always lurking in the shadows of my mind. I think I am doing better though. sometimes. Is it funny to say that going to Disney has helped?

But I guess I'm down for a variety of reasons. Only I can't shake them. I want to lie down and throw the covers over my head and not move. I feel things are not controllable - and that is hard for me. I see my Sweetpea and she is growing up fast - but still a little girl. She is trying so hard to figure out who she is... then it hits... She'll be in Middle School next year. And I don't want that. But I do. I don't want to lose my first born baby...not that I am losing her... but the "baby" I am. I pray that she will still be my sweet girl. But we know Middle school age stereotypes...don't we? I pray she will be like me and my mom were. I never thought my mom was "queer" (yes... it was the 80's y'all). I never was embarrassed to hug her in front of my friends. I was a bit unique I guess. But I adored (still do) my mom and dad. I just pray I have that with both my girls. They are such snuggle-y wonders to me. How did I receive such a gift - twice? Such blessings?

I am sad. Yes. I will work through it and try to be more "me". Yes. Remembering that what is important is right here with me and beside me... crawling in to bed with me the last few days, weeks, months - still to wipe away bad dreams and telling me that they love me. THAT is what will help me defeat these awful feelings.
Yes.

I will somehow triumph. yes.

"Bigges HUG evahhhhhh"

Ever since BooBooBear was able to talk she would always ask for hugs. Heck since she was a tiny infant she wanted to give me hugs... These are those heartfelt...squeezes. The ones that you just do not want to stop. I LOVE my kiddos' snuggles... I just love them. We are an affectionate family and I just love to snuggle up to my babes.

Sometimes BooBooBear would continue until you really would have to extricate yourself - to get things done. Sometimes I would fall asleep in that comfortable embrace. And sometimes I would say... "that's not as much as a hug as yesterday..." - to which she would reply... "Do you want a biggah hug?"and then she would squeeze me as hard as she could.

Thus the birth of "tha Bigges...HUG... EVAHhhhhhhhhs"... It would happen so often... Starting with the familiar question...

Boo: "Ma-me (mommy), do you wan tha bigges hug EVAH?" (gradually getting louder as said)
Me: "ooo of course I do!"
And then the huge hug (well for a little toddler) and sometimes it would continue to...
Boo: "o I can do anuddah one bettah" and
Me: "OK let's see"
So it would be almost nightly - and before naps too...really whenever she needed a squeeze & a squish.

My Bigges Hugs Evah's  continued through many years... then suddenly were forgotten or stopped this past year. BooBoo didn't stop hugging. No, she just stopped giving me giant huge hugs labeled has BHEs (which were actually getting REALLY strong and I would have to ready myself for them). I hadn't really forgotten my special hugs - but had. Life was hard and busy this year. Until recently I didn't even notice they had stopped.

Then suddenly - just as suddenly as they had stopped, and as I realized I was missing them, they started back up again last weekend...

Boo: "Momma do you want the  "bigges hug EVAH?" (gradually getting louder as said)
Me: "ooo of course I do!" "You haven't done one of these in FOREVERrrrrrrr!!"
Boo: "WHAT?" (the way Boo says that phrase is another whole post in itself)
"REALLY?? Hmmmm"
And then the huge hug (and this time was HUMONGOUS) and then continued to...
Boo: "o I can do anathah one bettah wanna see?"
Me: "OK let's see"
And sure enough... it was bigger, and BETTER.

Tha Bigges HUG EVAHHHhhhhhh are Mommy's special hugs... something just between my baby girl and me and I cherish them and hope they never end.
I missed those hugs and am so glad they are back!!!