So why am I counting down to my surgery day? If it freaks me out that much? Why count down? Well most of the time I think I am handling it "o.k."... and then other times I think holy cow... it is THIS Wednesday! WOW! When the heck did that happen?
G. U. L. P. !!!
In a way I have been waiting all summer for this. The pain's getting worse - so I really should be ecstatic that I am having this done and
hopefully going to be pain free. Yet, (there's that word again) I know I am getting anxious. My stomach is constantly flutter-y (swirly as Ky calls it). My heart does that extra beat here and there. I haven't been eating... I can't. I cannot sleep at night - it's been since Thursday that I've slept. I sleep for 20 minutes and then wake for 30-1hour... sleep for 30... wake for 30 etc... I have lovely bags under these greenish eyes of mine! BLECK. Is the 'Goth look' a good look for me?!
I know it's fear of the unknown. I know it's nervousness for my kiddos and my dear safety-hubby. I want their schedules to be as un-changed/un-interrupted as possible. I remember when my mom had major surgery (brain aneurysm) and how it affected me... I don't want that to happen to my family. But it will. That's life. But we will grow together as a family - and I have wonderful friends...such lovely, wonderful friends always helping and supporting us.
I don't look fwd to being sick after surgery. I don't look fwd to the rehab... it's going to be a long, long, long road...
The bright side?! PAIN FREeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This pain has gotten the best of me lately and I just have
faith that it will all be good! And then NO MORE of feeling like this - EVER! I can be
ME again!!! Gimme a WOOT WOOT! I have really high hopes. And I haven't had high hopes in the past for a long, long time. So this is
good news! Hopefully mentally (& physically of course) I will start being Kymmie once more... I want to be happy, living life again with always a smile and not all this weight on me.
Asking too much? Well, we have to have hopes, goals, dreams right? I am trying not to be pessimistic right now. Optimistic like I used to be... Can't wait to do things like a young 30-something (ahem) woman.
Right now I am filled with some "raw emotion" - I am
very emotional (in all spectrum of the term) - I guess that's normal. So I am burying myself in "getting ready" - not thinking and just moving ahead... I am scared. I am frightened. I am anxious. Mostly... I am trying to fill myself with being
hopeful and having deep
FAITH! (If you don't mind... say a little prayer & good thought/wish for me... thanks!)
