I am so excited...

More to come in the next few days since we are finally on vacation... but just something really quick... I AM SELLING OVER 25 of my Holiday Jewelry Line!! A wonderful friend of mine wore something I gave her to the hospital where she works today and had TONS of people coming up to her asking her about them and if they were for sale... She called me up and said that she wanted me to get 'em ready and she would take them to work tomorrow!! I am so giggly with excitement! I worked a long afternoon giving EVERY piece (52+) my attention and finishing them up (will post some photos tomorrow...)!! I hope some sell tomorrow... wish me luck!!!

Here's the write-up I created for the pieces...

HOLIDAY EARRINGS & PENDANTS
Earrings and pendants are made from a beautiful white porcelain clay body. They are light and fun to wear! Each one is stamped using my own handmade molds, hand-shaped and smoothed, kiln fired, and meticulously hand-glazed – using a variety of techniques. Finally they are finished with a clear glaze to give it that extra Holiday SPARKLE!
They feature playful, whimsical holiday themes. The backs have been left unglazed ~ especially with the pendants so that, if you like, you can spray it with your favorite perfume or cologne; making your scent last longer and diffusing it by the warmth of your body. They hang from delicate Sterling Silver hook, clasp, & fastenings.
Earrings - $15.00
Pendants - $15.00
Earring & Pendant sets - $25.00
Please make checks payable to Kymmie Marriner!
Thank you so much for your interest and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Here's hoping... Christmas is here... bringing good cheer...

Another giveaway from the Vintage Pearl...

OH I HOPE I WIN... I HOPE I WIN!!! Check out the Vintage Pearl's stuff... I've asked for things from here for Christmas or my birthday - (for my family reading this... HINT HINT). =)

It's sweet stuff!! She has a blog and a website - check 'em out www.thevintagepearl.com & www.thevintagepearl.blogspot.com!

Her e-mail stated that she is celebrating her new font... it's called "whimsy" - I find it super cute!! The Vintage Pearl is giving away your choice of any piece hand stamped in "whimsy" on their blog! Check it out!! thevintagepearlinfo@gmail.com www.thevintagepearl.com

OH I HOPE I WIN I HOPE I WIN I HOPE I WIN!!! OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASSSSSSE!

A great day...

Even though there was a lot of pain today (two days of intense - like a knife in my bones...no more like hot embers deep in my spine - I PROMISE NO more overdoing things! LESSON LEARNED!!! I PROMISE - it's really not worth it my friends ouch), I felt really good mentally!
(sorry folks for the run-on sentence - it's late and i don't proclaim to be a great writer!)

It was such a super day! NOoooooo really it WAS!! It really was a nice day. (I really don't like the word nice (ask my Safety-man - he gets grief for that a lot)... there are so many other great adjectives but it was a NICE, NICE day).

I have to say I wasn't sure at first that it would be... I started to stress over little things. That's so me. I wonder where my little girls get it - and there it is right from me! I just start thinking and then worry... Today it was things from - how I was going to get to my appointment this morning, getting back, if dear Mr Safety-Man would be able to get my youngest Boo to her pulmonologist appt, and how would I get my oldest home from the bus stop- not being able to drive is KILLING me! It takes all your freedom away! It's amazing how I get myself all worked up - Jeesh.

But what I should have remembered or had faith in, was that everything would be ok and would work out for the best. I should start with the fact that my hair has been bad for a LONG while - I just couldn't sit long enough to get it cut/colored after the surgery. So I finally got an appt - but it wasn't until NEXT Thursday - and I have tons of activities coming up! LOW AND BEHOLD she had a cancellation and I got an appt today!!! YES!!! HMmm but if Chris wasn't home... how to get there...

A wonderful friend ended up having most of today off and came and got me, she then got called in to work - I started to worry about getting home. I was going to try to walk - but the way I was feeling during the appointment - walking home (close to my home) wasn't going to be an option (especially if I wanted Mr S. Man to talk to me again...). But they called her and pushed her going in to work back, so I got to show off my new do and get a ride home! I am so thankful for everyone who CONTINUES to help me out... Then my dear S.Man was able to pick up Boo and take her to the pulmonologist (which she really needed to go to - as she has been having several asthma attacks in Utah and since we've been back home). AND we decided together that KyKy could just come home early... GREAT! It just worked out!

And the hair appointment was AWESOME - I don't know if it was because I waited SO long to get it done - but ms rachael did a wonderful job and I had a nice time. It was so awesome to feel relaxed, on my own, and free! I even got enough courage to ask for my eyebrows to be done. I don't know why - but normally I wouldn't ask - because I didn't make an appt and didn't want to trouble them... but I just went with it - and BAM! Finally got my eyebrows done. The AWESOME part... I ended up getting it for FREE for a promotion they were going to start - and gave to me early! (Wish the hair appt was free!) hahaha!

Then we got all ready for my daughter's (and friends' daughters) school Christmas show. It was absolutely like ALL school shows... but it was SOooooooo cute! I took photos of my girls and friends while they performed. Ky got very nervous so didn't smile as much as normal but she did FANTASTIC with her lines and Boo did a fabulous job in her Tiny Ballerina number! SO adorable! She didn't disappoint me - she shaded her eyes and looked for "Mame" (mommy) and Daddy in the audience! And of course in the middle of her dance waved at us! Oooooo how sweet and how precious.

We were so proud! I have photos - but am so tired - I will post them later. I really am so proud!! The show really was cute! Only a parent would love!! =)

AND THENnnnnnnnnnnnn my most wonderful hubby in the world, to help me from bending and doing things I shouldn't be doing, loaded the entire kiln of our First Impressions hand prints/footprints... ALL 49 of them! I still cannot believe he got them all in - one firing! AWESOME! THANK YOU BABE!!! He even sharpened the stilts to ensure they wouldn't stick to the impressions. He does so much for me, our family, to help everyone. He truly is the BEST.

Soooo turning worry in to remembering about having faith things will work out, a great haircut and feeling a bit better emotionally after getting it done (i wish physically too - but soon), to a precious holiday show that I just got all warm and fuzzy watching those I love perform, and finally to a hubby who really does EVERYTHING for me - in order that I heal CORRECTLY!

I am a lucky girl... and I do feel blessed. I truly am.

Thanks for the patience of a rambling post...

There SHE IS!!!....oops Nope... maybe not... but just for a bit - she was there!

Well it's pretty easy to be angry at oneself, to be down, to be sad. Why isn't it easy to accept, deal, and move on? I wonder? Being patient is also a really hard concept for me... especially when I feel like I should be totally ready to get back in to the swing of things NOW!

So after the last post - I got to thinking that baby steps and goals really were helping! My DEAR Mr Safety Man & I went out to the movies...very impromtu which I loved! First date night since my surgery! Ahhhhhhhhhh I started to see a glimmer of me right then and there! It felt so nice to be out...sure sitting was excruciating - but WELL worth it. Then while I was with a wonderful friend accompanying her to Tampa (an excursion outta this house again! YAY!), my dear Mr Safety Man decided to surprise me and get all the lights on the house, new wonderful snowmen lights lined my walkway we labored on a few summers ago, and I just got so excited. WOW - it was an emotion that I hadn't felt for awhile. And it. felt. good. It got me to thinking.

"i can do this... i can decorate, i can help get the house back in to some kind of semblance of order, i can help dear mr safetyman with the girls lunches, i can glaze these darling foot and hand impressions for my small little company, i can help friends, i can do small areas of my house, i can even try to push things with my legs, or bend to pick that item on the floor up, and even go off my medication...."

~~ SCREECH ~~

(that's me putting on the brakes)

I think that I may have gone a bit over the top there... but that's me... always trying to push too hard - overachiever my hubby says. And well - yep - it happened I went too far and now I feel everything... and I mean every single ache. I tell my dear S. man that I think sometimes I can feel where every single screw is in my back... all eight of them. Gross.

It's hard for people looking at me... they cannot tell how bad things hurt (and I don't want them to know...). I had visual cues at first... bandages, walker, wheelchair, and now I don't need my walker - I graduated last week from it! YAY! My incisions have long been healed. I only need the wheelchair if i am going to have to do a lot of walking around. The only thing truly that is visible now... is a slight limp, a slower gait, and some grimaces on my face here & there.

I do feel almost me again. One could catch a glimpse of the happy-go-lucky... eager to help... me the last two days. There's been more smiles than frowns or sorrow. More gleam and glitter in the eyes than tears... I just have felt brighter. Well until I WAY over did things and tonight proved to be a very difficult night. I am so tired but hurt too much to sleep. Sigh.

But boy-oh-boy doing those baby steps and setting goals... my house is starting to look a lot like it did WAYyyyyyyyyyyyyy before my back first started getting bad (that's over 5 years ago people!! WOWwwwwww!). I mean it's definitely got a long way to go... but I see progress.

Hmmm progress... I recently talked to my best friend in TX and she always has the right words... "Kymmie you're walking after a spinal surgery only hours after the surgery" "Kymmie you are picking up things 5lbs - whereas before you could not"... progress... gotta remember progress is a good thing and it's happening I only have to be PATIENT!!! (there's that dang word again)

This morning I called Mr S. Man to literally "talk me off the ledge"... I was teetering on edge of being completely engulfed in being overwhelmed about the state of the house, about my still having to take medication, about finishing glazing LOTS of feet and hands, about the girls, about our HECTIC schedule the next 2 weeks... you name it I blurted it all out to him.

Man I love that guy, his initial response was "your job right now is to not do anything... not to be overwhelmed, not to work on anything in the house...there's one exception and that's to heal". Say it with... "AAAAWwwww". I had to hear it - but I still wanted to do something... to keep the gleam and sliver of feeling like me again alive...

So he agreed on a compromise because I have these little goals... and it did honestly feel good to scour my kitchen (only waste high - no bending). And to get my living room back. And to tidy up the family room. And to decorate some areas. And to put some clothes away. And to glaze. And to sweep. And to clean up the bathroom. And to go to a Christmas party.

I think we get the idea... yep... I did wayyyyyy too much - especially today. I am a mess tonight. A dang mess and it was really DUMB...and now you know why my dear Mr Safety Man has to say the things he does to me... he knows me so well!

But my house is starting to look like my home again. My Christmas decorations are making me grin - from my icepack on the couch... and even if it were just a glimpse, a tiny little glimmer...

I found Kymmie in here again... I felt like a part of me was coming along just fine.

And heck - I proved I could lift a bit more than FIVE pounds!

Next post... some Utah vacation rememberances and photos! A HAPPY POST!

LACKADAISICAL... definition of Kymmie

Well I have to say that is EXACTLY the right term for me... I feel so badly... so lacking life, spirit, or zest the last few days! Heck I haven't even updated my blog or completely dressed since I have been home from Utah!!!

I have to say - traveling is very difficult. It truly is. And for me - I don't know what it is but going from the West to the East... it is more difficult! We had a FANTABULOUS vacation and I will post about that very soon! I am so excited to say that I have made some physical improvements... but as most people who know me know - it just isn't enough for me. I want to be better NOW!!! And being lackadaisical (OK I just love saying that word... it actually is lifting my spirits at I write it...say it with me my friends - LACK - A - DAI - SI - CAL!!!! See? FUN!) has been my norm the last few days. But I want to be so much more. I ask a lot of myself - this I know! I guess it is permissable since we didn't get home until after 1AM on Tuesday night. And then poor Boo got sick at school and was sent home yesterday and was home after throwing up last night... Oh boy! Plus a lot of sitting with a newly fused back - and not able to lie down in the plane, oh and add in there a 2 hour round trip to Provo before the plane ride... well it's becoming obvious to me why I hurt so badly right now. But man... can't something go right so I can get off my poor me/pity party and actually prove that I am starting to be more "me" again and am actually improving! I hope people can see that?!

Is it ok to allow myself some time to re-cupe? I think so... But honestly... I don't want to re-cupe anymore. I want to be absolutely fine. I am really finished with healing and waiting. I want to feel good enough to decorate - I AM in the holiday spirit... I DO want to do so much to get ready for Christmas... and yet... here it is... already December 3rd! I want to feel so fine that I can fix up my house, run errands again, help my friends who have helped me so much, fold laundry, DRIVE... heck ANYWHERE, and well - just be the normal (or well in my case... abnormal) Kymmie that I was before all my back issues.

Soooo to the wind with the lackadaisical attitude... I will start with baby steps! YES! That's what I will do...

Tomorrow I will glaze some adorable hand & foot prints which have helped me make some money towards a HUGE Christmas present for my family (I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT) and that is a great thing! Then it will be on to doing a little decorating of some of my FAVORITE things... like my garland I made 2 years ago... AND then on to making a new garland to go across the room from that one! So there are THREE things to get excited about... and if I am still feeling up to it - I will try to walk for a bit to see how I can do on that. Hmmmm that makes me feel better... some targets/goals. Something to look forward to - and yet something that will not make me feel overwhelmed. I like it.

And maybe... just maybe... I will get a little date night with my hubby tomorrow night. It's been WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, FARrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr too long! So... I guess it's ok to feel, acknowledge, and then carry on!!!

Fa... La... La-La...Laaaaaaaaaaaa... La-La...LA... LA!!!!

Giveaways... O how I love thee...

Oh how I love Giveaways... I have so many neat blogs that I have been following for quite some time... one of them is The Vintage Pearl's blog... and let me tell you - if anyone wants a neat gift to give - check out The Vintage Pearl (www.thevintagepearl.blogspot.com)!! Just lovely pieces... And unique - which is what this chickie loves- unique, funky, lovely, gorgeous, FUN pieces!!!

Well Erin at The Vintage Pearl has been doing some pretty unique giveaways... unfortunately I've NOT been lucky in winning them... but I digress... the most recent giveaway is from Shey B for camera straps... Well I found 1 I absolutely love... Check this out!!! I LOVE the colors!!

Maybe this time I will be lucky?? Hmmmm maybe this time I should do a giveaway for others?! My porcelain earrings perhaps!!

Now off to search for some more giveaways... ;)

Utah

We made it safely to UT and I took some neat photos from the plane... the landscape of our beautiful country is phenomenal... truly awe-inspiring! We went from the green, warm area of Florida, over dry barren landscapes, to these gorgeous valleys and fissures in our land! Patchwork fields, winding snake-like rivers and streams, to BOOM! these jagged mountains capped in white!!

I heard "Are we in Utah yet?", "Momma look at the mountains - THERE'S SNOW! We have to be in Utah now", "MOMMA there's big hillllllllllls!" I loved it! It was so exciting to see the change in the countryside and see the changes and excitement in the girls faces.

Ahhhhhhhhhh... it's nice to relax and just "be" here. It's funny - I didn't grow up here, I have never lived here but somehow - and maybe it's seeing a lot of my childhood memories in things around my parents home - I feel like I am "home" for the holidays. It is a rather neat, heart-warming feeling.

When the girls first arrived I could see the anticipation, their feelings were palpable as they raced around searching and exploring all the nooks and crannies of the house. They talked steadily about a secret room and even divised a "code word" for it so only those they entrusted with the code word would know which room they were talking about. The girls had fun re-visiting some of their favorite things in the house...tea sets, trains, and a special doll that Boo re-named "Annabelle". They played in the tiny amount of snow that was left in the backyard of Maia and Poppa's house. They also jumped in to leaves and had a grand time flopping around and throwing the leaves at eachother!

Little Ms Boo has followed Poppa around like a little puppy. She has been Poppa's helper and it is so neat to watch. They already been busy raking the front yard together, setting up with Ky the train village for the z-scale train model, and after a short nap they will set up a train that ms Boo and ms Kyky will be able to do on their own.

Even though the plane trip was difficult as far as pain goes... it was worth the trip in more ways than one!

time on my side with nothing to show for it

Well dang nab it... I cannot even update my own blog lately... very frustrating! I endeavor to really dive in to my thoughts and things I've been wanting to write about. So many thoughts, so many mixed feelings... so many things happening...

Am I who I really am? Am I still me? I know I am a bit skinnier (YAY), but with that I feel a bit like a shell of a person lately. Feel kinda ready to be Kymmie. I guess she has needed to recover and re-invent her physical status. I like to think that she's still there - only dormant - getting ready to make a full, happy, recovery, maybe even be more fresh, a better momma, a better wife, a better friend. A better me.

Do I hope too much? Do I ask too much? Have I slipped away? I'm here... just can't be exactly the way I want to be...yet.

I am me... I hope to be a better me.

Feeling Better!!

I am feeling better! Really I am!! Honest!!!
OK... who believes me?

Actually each day is a different day and depending on how much I do - I can see there are small improvements and I am so grateful to have those! I choose to hold on to these! I got some photos from my Post-op visit... I now need to "embrace" my new hardware in my body!!

It is rather funky to actually think that this "stuff" is in me now! We didn't realize that rods had been put in to my back - so that was a revelation & explained why I have 2 incisions back there now. I think I may have pulled a stitch 2 nights ago - but my friend & personal (I do so love the sound of that - makes me feel ever-so important heheehhe) nurse put a steri-strip on it so hopefully there will be no permanent, weird scarring from the open part of the incision.

There is some slight swelling around the back incisions and I will need to watch those.

But I digress... on to why I am feeling better (HONEST- at least mentally!!!):

Last night I got to go on my

FIRST FUN EXCURSION

since surgery! I went to a Book Club that my friend is doing! A first for me - but I LOVE books & reading. I am so happy to have been invited to join a book club with my friend - I 've always wanted to be involved in one.
It was a lovely evening... OH YES it was!!! With delish food and a good discussion - how could it not be?! It was very interesting to hear other people's opinions about the book we read, which is called Peace Like a River by Leif Enger. It was a good book - lots of themes streaming through. It was not my favorite book... but I liked it ok. It was SO nice to be out and about - even if I was not doing great physically... but hey I'm not really "comfey" at home either. I took care, followed mr safety man and friend/personal nurse's instructions and didn't over-do... I was very careful!!! I am WIPED today but it was SO worth it!

Ahhhhhhhhh I hear the thunder rolling in... peaceful. A nice time to relax and heal (maybe even do some more reading!!). Time to do a little napping and try to remember this is a good time, a time to reflect, a time to regroup, a time to heal, a time to celebrate this body works, a time to feel blessed for my support system, and time to become a stronger me!!

Here comes the beautiful rain... time to relax and listen to the beautiful sound it makes on my roof and just be...

I made it...

I made it. I made it through surgery. This is the worst pain ever. I am not happy. Mentally I do feel better. Physically I am dying... slowly. I feel like I can still feel them working on me... creepy. I cry daily...sometimes several times - not a "regular" thing for me so it's hard. I feel so helpless.

My daughter screamed today and I couldn't come running... couldn't even come walking... just lied there trying to get Chris to go... hard Mommy moment.

I will have better posts. I promise. I am only 4 days Post-Op. But I wanted to say each day is a smidge better. O, but the mountain I have to climb, it is so unreal. I have been crying to God. Whining I guess. Which just makes me mad and humbled. God is so great. He does abide and is so full of love. I am so blessed to be walking again, to have this opportunity- this chance to be free from pain. I just have trouble seeing that thru this cloud of pain. I feel kinda alone. I feel a bit secluded that I am "putting people out". I DETEST asking for help - not because I don't appreciate it... it's just hard. I am a giver... and everyone has been wonderful. I have gotten soo many notes and prayers and thoughts and love. It's just me, pain & trying to see through the fog... It's only a few days past ... give it time. Mentally today was a GOOD day. Physically... well I guess I've covered that already.

News from the surgery:
~~ It went very well as far as being "cut open" can be.
~~ I have STRONG bones around the weak bone they took out.
~~ I have a 7 centimeter horizontal incision on the front-under my belly button
~~ I have 2 - 5 centimeter vertical incisions on my back (which is strange to us since they were supposed to do 2 punctures percutaneous (right through the skin). So we'll have to ask about that on my Post-Op appt 10/12 with my Neuro-surgeon.
~~ I did not do well with the anesthesia... as usual.
~~ I got "stuck" 16 times between 2 arms... and am bruised too much! OUCHEY!!!
~~ I spent an extra day in the hospital - blood pressure was 94/52... not good. NOT GOOD.
~~ I missed my girls, I missed mr safety-man, I missed my bed, I missed home.
~~ I am home, I am safe, I am blessed.

Thank you to allll my support. I am humbled. I am blessed. I know I am loved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

My Most Embarrassing Mommy Moments

OK...

So.....my friend issued this challenge (what a sneaky challenge it is too... she had me hook line and sinker). I am copying hers verbatim. It goes like this:

I'm going to share an embarrassing mom story, eek. And if you read it, you have to share as well. Just leave a link to your blog in the comments and we'll all come over and read your humiliating story. Doesn't that sound fun? I know, like we don't have laundry to wash, floors to scrub, dishwashers to load, toilets to disinfect.. But, it will kind-a be like a group of friends sitting around sharing funny stories, just make sure to do your chores in between checking posts :)

REMEMBER, if you read this you HAVE to share!!!

Well here I go... please excuse it's been a rough week and I am just "waking up" from a long fog of anesthesia in the brain... but I will try my best!! Now these are not in any order or funniest to least... but only as my brain can remember them...

1. Ky was about 18 months and I was either pregnant or realllly sick (probably just pregnant AND really sick). I fell asleep on my side on the couch while Chris was working. I had her well corraled in our family room and all her toys around her. So dozing shouldn't have been a problem. EXCEPT for the fact that I changed her dity on the floor - and all the accessories were in a cute little basket... within tiny Ky's reach. Well... I woke up to THUNDEROUS laughter... to the point that Chris actually who was on the phone had to excuse himself from his client....

Apparently ms Ky found out how to open her DESITIN... and "paint" Mommy's hair... not just a little bit... but almost the entire bottle. Where was I, you ask? How could I not feel this? Well I would wake up in a stupor and say "thank you for making momma feel better Ky (feeling the patting on the head of course) You're such a sweet, sweet girl" only encouraging her more and more. Yes there is a photo floating around there somewhere... I know there is... Chris took several as I tried to run away. Funniest thing - i had no clue until I went to flip the front of my hair as I so often do saying "WHAT?!?!" to Chris. hehehehehe

Oh man...that stuff is HARDDDDDDDdddd to get out of your hair!!! Like 5-6 washings!!!

(and yes Chris still laughs about that one)

2. I nursed both my girls... (yes we can see where this is heading I am sure) and I nursed them for quite some time. Well during a dinner with some friends we hadn't seen in awhile and I believe my parents, probably others as well... little Ky very innocently crawls to and motions to sit on my lap. Up she comes, and BOOM! up comes my shirt and she wonk-wonks me... YES... we all know where. Looks at me and says "NIiiii-Niiiii mamaaaaa". I could have CRAWLED under a rock... a rug... a table anything! Fully exoposed except for of course thte very unflattering nursing bra, engorged, and BRIGHT red. I kinda shrugged and said "guess it's nighty-night time" and BOLTED.

I could hear the giggling as I ran down the hall with Ky in my arms...

2a. Boo...well again with nursing... I was holding her. She was a REAL snuggler. NEVER let me put her down EVER. So I had come to my work (and this happened several times actually - church, with friends, etc) in Orlando to an important meeting and they had a baby shower for Boo. Well as I am holding Boo and having a serious talk before the shower to my Director (male - thank goodness he is a grandpa), my boss (very strict southern proper baptist grandma), and several of my co-workers (male) who would pick on me for anything they could, I see that they keep stealing glances downward...kinda toward my chest and my boss Linda's eyes get a bit wide... then I feel this tugging on one side of chest... Yeah... Boo decided she was hungry. And it was in the right spot... and I should not have worn one of my nice silk work shirts... a wide, wet ring around my front of my chest later... I hear them say "I think maybe she is hungry Kymberly".... YOU THINK?!?!?! DYING would have been easier...

3. Recently... yes recently both my daughters have become interested in "boobies". I've tried to answer questions and not make a big deal, telling them we call them breasts etc. Ky sees this commercial. And upon seeing that - she comes up to as I am changing in my bedroom and squashes my breast... "IT'S AN EASY BUTTON MOMMMMY"... Are you kidding me? I laughed so hard - but this caused her to do it more... and yes... in the middle of Target I got Easy Button tagged... in front of several snickering ladies (I'm hoping were moms and could relate). I think I have stopped this... explaining personal space etc...

4. Boo's fascination with momma's chest never ceases. We're at a restaurant before I have to leave for surgery last week. "Ma-me I don't want you to have surgery" She snuggles up next to me into my chest as usual. It's where her head fits. We talk. She starts to snuggle & snuffle (you know turns her head and noses in to me). OK... a bit uncomfey and I kinda remove her. Meanwhile - she turns and says "I don't know when I can snuggle with them next so I have to get it all in when I can". MEANWHILE... she starts to cup 'em both... yes... you read it... I said it. AND the waiter comes at that particular moment!!!! Yep it's about the timin' people... it's about the timin'!!!

5. Well I have so many more... but they're more of the same as above... lots of shirt or skirt or takini lifting. Lots of questions in the public bathrooms (OH AMY I can SO relate) but i think this will tide y'all over for now... I hope I have made ya laugh at least a little bit!!! I know Amy's made me laugh! And I needed it tonight!!

So now I'm done... post your snickers & giggles... der I mean comments... below with links to your blog... I've bared all (literally) for you... and now you can bare yours too!!! If ya don't have a blog just leave a little comment on your most embarrassing moment!

musings on memories are funny!

Surgery in only 8 hours...

I am wigging out...
I am anxious...
But I am hopeful!

My next post will be after surgery - here's hoping!!!!

I am so thankful for all the support I've been given. It means more to me than I could ever express...

T-MINUS TWO DAYS...

So why am I counting down to my surgery day? If it freaks me out that much? Why count down? Well most of the time I think I am handling it "o.k."... and then other times I think holy cow... it is THIS Wednesday! WOW! When the heck did that happen?

G. U. L. P. !!!

In a way I have been waiting all summer for this. The pain's getting worse - so I really should be ecstatic that I am having this done and hopefully going to be pain free. Yet, (there's that word again) I know I am getting anxious. My stomach is constantly flutter-y (swirly as Ky calls it). My heart does that extra beat here and there. I haven't been eating... I can't. I cannot sleep at night - it's been since Thursday that I've slept. I sleep for 20 minutes and then wake for 30-1hour... sleep for 30... wake for 30 etc... I have lovely bags under these greenish eyes of mine! BLECK. Is the 'Goth look' a good look for me?!

I know it's fear of the unknown. I know it's nervousness for my kiddos and my dear safety-hubby. I want their schedules to be as un-changed/un-interrupted as possible. I remember when my mom had major surgery (brain aneurysm) and how it affected me... I don't want that to happen to my family. But it will. That's life. But we will grow together as a family - and I have wonderful friends...such lovely, wonderful friends always helping and supporting us.

I don't look fwd to being sick after surgery. I don't look fwd to the rehab... it's going to be a long, long, long road...

The bright side?! PAIN FREeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This pain has gotten the best of me lately and I just have faith that it will all be good! And then NO MORE of feeling like this - EVER! I can be ME again!!! Gimme a WOOT WOOT! I have really high hopes. And I haven't had high hopes in the past for a long, long time. So this is good news! Hopefully mentally (& physically of course) I will start being Kymmie once more... I want to be happy, living life again with always a smile and not all this weight on me.

Asking too much? Well, we have to have hopes, goals, dreams right? I am trying not to be pessimistic right now. Optimistic like I used to be... Can't wait to do things like a young 30-something (ahem) woman.

Right now I am filled with some "raw emotion" - I am very emotional (in all spectrum of the term) - I guess that's normal. So I am burying myself in "getting ready" - not thinking and just moving ahead... I am scared. I am frightened. I am anxious. Mostly... I am trying to fill myself with being hopeful and having deep FAITH!

(If you don't mind... say a little prayer & good thought/wish for me... thanks!)

SCARY...

Why is it when you become a Mommy - your heart LEAPS out of your chest at least a million times a day... ok maybe not quite so much - but enough that I think I have shortened my life by maybe 5-7 years... AND gotten MANY white hairs due to it as well!!

I had one of these bad, SCARY Mommy moments the other night after school. I could tell that Boo was not 100% - she said her "bones hurt" - so I got her in a nice toasty bath, washed her up, and let her "play". I continued to fix dinner and get things ready for the evening.

I called her upon supper being ready... No reply...

Tidied something up... called her again... No Reply...

So I went to go get her...

She was floating in the water with her eyes closed.

Just lying there. My heart lept (GOTTA listen to your intuition ladies). I thought she was fooling around, told Chris "I think Boo's sleeping", & I went around the corner grabbing my camera to take a photo. Then I got this yuck feeling that she wasn't kidding... that perhaps she really was sleeping...

The flash came... NO Reply...

i don't even like looking at this photo... still...

OK so Chris and I both called her... NO rEpLy (panic... Panic... PaNiC...)


PANIC has now reached an all time HIGH... I shake her shoulder carefully so as not to startle her and make her go under the water...

...................NO REPLY...................

Then once more I pet her shoulder grasping it and and becoming a bit more frantic...

She flutters those ANGELIC eyelids open...

...and I start to finally breath again!

She peered at me quite confused. I gathered her up and hugged her tight in her towel. She was sooo nice and toasty warm and "Mame" (mommy) was so relieved and full of that mother's instant love I had to just hold her for awhile. Poor Boo wasn't feeling well at all - that she just fell asleep in the tub with only a small circle of her face above the water... after all "it was cozzzy 'Mame'...".

Chris told me LATER he could see her chest rising and falling ...he was trying to calm me down... hmmmm really?!?! Even when I think about it now - it still makes my heart just 'bottom out'. I could really use a lot less of these presque heart failures. It would mean a lot less white hairs - and I am kind of partial to my hair color as is!!

These scary Mommy moments make you really realize what precious gifts God has given to us. How blessed we are for what we have. And how much I adore my little girls.

I want to be pain free...

I am getting down again. I hate that. I think I am doing well and then it hits. I guess the "down-ness" never really leaves. I just think I am handling it better but maybe not. I get just feeling so alone and isolated. I love my family - more than anyone will ever know, I love my friends so much - I care for them so deeply... yet I just feel I hinder everyone else.

This morning I had a tough time standing at the bus stop. I am so tired of hurting just standing for 10 minutes or even 5 minutes. I mean what is that? It's crap... that is what it is. People must get so tired of me - I try not to complain - but it hurts and sometimes they can see how I feel. I hide how bad it is mostly. It's bad though - all the time. Poor Mr Safety Man - he hears the brunt of it. But this AM - after I stayed on the couch (after the bus stop) for a few minutes I couldn't walk. I stood up and just about screamed. Which FREAKED out my little baby Boo - which in turn made me feel WORSE. It brought me right back to the times when I absolutely could not walk. It's scary.... no one knows a person's pain. No one cannot relate - only to what they have gone through but no one knows how you feel totally. Perhaps that is where they isolation comes from. They can have sympathy/ compassion... but...

I don't know. I hate feeling like this. I am usually a very happy person. A loving, caring person (I like to think) - and yet I am just stuck in this painful (literally) state.

I pray that God watches over me for this surgery. I truly know in my heart we have made the right decision. I have had such yucky dreams about the surgery, doubtful thoughts (man I don't even want to write it... but I am working through this so I need to...) about paralyzation or even complications... gulp. I don't want to dwell on these. Because I have FAITH that God will be there and guide these surgeons. But they are there lurking and ALWAYS seem to come to the surface. It's this doubt and WAITING that's absolutely gotten me down.

I wonder what it will be like to be pain free?!? It's been YEARS... but I am waiting patiently (ok maybe not so patiently) and I know I have learned a lot - I am sure will be another post - because I am still trying to figure out what I have learned.

Pain free... sigh...

How I love thee FOOOOOOOOOOTBALL!

Oh yes people! It is THAT time... Football season as officially started... now most of the people that know me best - KNOW - how much I LOVE FOOTBALL! I love, love, love, love, love FOOTBALL! I could sit and watch it endlessly. Live... EVEN BETTER!

i know my girlfriends think - "CRAZY KYMMIE", but to me football is just nostalgic! I used to sneak from my nappy time and climb on top of my daddy's side only to wink in & out of blissful slumber watching football with him. It is one of the warmest memories I have. I truly enjoy sharing this part of my memory and common interests with my Dad!

Raymond James Stadium - too hot day - pre-season -1st ticket of 5 - Pats vs Bucs! I was SO stoked to be there!
Mr Safety-man and me at the beginning of the game!

Our first live game of 5 tickets...GO BUCS! GO PATS!!

So Chris gave me for our anniversary 2 years ago - 5 GAMES to watch the BUCS play LIVE at the RAMOND JAMES STADIUM. As we walked to our seats, we kept climbing further up, up, up, and ever further UP...until we reached the very last seat at the TIPPY, TIP, TOP of the stadium. Mr Safety Man and I had a great giggle at that (and my height issues were full on as well - it really was VERY high) - but I didn't care of the height... I got a date with him sans kiddos, I got to watch football, and I got to watch it LIVE!!!!

It's a little high (nervous) ... giggle giggle... but YES! We're here!

Honestly... I loved being where we were! I could stand up when I wanted to - without offending someone behind us! We got a GREAT breeze being up there, I could cheer loudly, and the cool thing - I learned a lot about plays being able to see them come to fruition - having mr. safety man as my ever patient teacher! Ahhhhhh such a great season! And the first game we got to watch... my two FAVORITE teams... New England Patriots vs Tampa Bay Bucs... toujours a New Englander...and loving being a West Coast Floridian now too!

It was so hot up in the stands... we brought the last few games - water with little fans to cool off!

I am such a football fan - I am in a pro pick 'em and Fantasy Football league - used to be the only female! AND I have to say have won Pro pick'em two years (in the 4 or 5 I've been playing), came in 2nd 2-3 yrs and 3rd the rest! And I won Fantasy 2 years ago... Yep... I LOVE FOOTBALL!

I sometimes feel guilty just watching the games... but then I realize I get A LOT of things done on Sunday afternoons... crafts with the girls (with sideways glances at big plays), folding laundry, cleaning or organizing drawers etc... anything that can be done in front of the games!! Now I will be able to do BEAUCOUP ceramics as well! YES!!! Well - after recovery! But there again - I HAVE to recover Dr's orders - so now I can recover in front of my games! GUILT FREE... ok well maybe not guilt free! But I have a GREAT excuse this Fall!!!

So I sat here today... clipping my coupons (see I AM keeping it up (like I said here) - still trudging fwd) while I got to watch FOOTBALL! It was not quite the same because my safety-man was driving home from a long trip away from us. But I still got the same thrill hearing the roar of the crowd... I miss going to the live games... some... but now I get to be curled up with my own little munchkin winking in and out and watching our teams!! GO PATS! GO BUCS! (too bad they lost today... but like I always say... it's only the first week).

Gooooooooooo teams!

They're Growing Up...

Ahhh it is that time... my big girl is enjoying her time with friends. She is truly wanting to spend time with them. And with that comes... SLEEPOVERS!! She has such a great group of friends - a great group. And this weekend she got to see a few of them and have a sleepover here on Sunday (it was a long week-end of course!).

They had a grand time doing a sing-along with American Idol on the Wii, watching a movie - High School Musical 3 (every great sleepover has to watch this don'tcha know), massages (appropriately done lol), and then the girls came up with a plan to to have a tent farm in Ky's room and they would sleep in the tents... and big sister included lil' sister... ahhhhhhh heart melting, proud moment for Mommy.

Deeply engrossed in their movie

So they put up tents. One "tent wing" was Ky's and her bff's room. A middle tent room (which Mugsy the pup took on as his own) was the sitting/moon area (named because it had a screen top), and Lil sis had the opposite "wing"! It was all so, so, so, soooo cute. I cannot express what hard work went in to each area! They really put so much heart in to their tent night!

"Tent Farm"

"Sibling Wing" Sleepy Lil' Sis

As they were excitedly showing me where everyone was sleeping (silly Mommy thought the guest would have her own tent) Ky proceeded to explain that they both were sleeping in this tent.... OH MY! After some careful checking and concern from Mommy - they both ASSURED me that this is what they wanted and it would be SO great and fun!! Well after all - isn't that what sleepovers are allll about? So I relented, they were so cute with those little eyes... yes I lost to the power of 9yr old puppy eyes!! However I told both girls if they got uncomfortable, hot, or if Ky started to cuddle with her bff (she has been known to do this) then either one of them could go up on to Ky's bed which was all turned down for them. So I of course checked on them several times (Boo informed me that Ky told her, after I said nighty night, sleepovers are for talking and giggling with your friends in to the night) - apparently it was not too late in to the night because I checked! I just couldn't believe how simply angelic and adorable they looked! So as every good Mommy I took photos!! Plus I wanted to show her Mommy how cute they were!

Boy they had so much fun... and I did too watching them!

how did they get so big already?

Maddening...

Budgeting stinks... it is hard but it's a necessary evil. With budgeting comes a lot of headache I think. It is this restriction where I have to fit a lot of my favorite parts of life in to this tight box and if they are extra... well then it can't be done. I do not really care for having boundaries placed on me (unless I of course bind myself to them). I have a tendency to push against restrictions... so here-in lies my problem. I know we need to start REALLY working hard on our budget but I DETEST doing it. My Safety-Hubs and I are trying to work together so that we can come to a mutual budget to help us both. Hmmm maybe I should look at it as a puzzle - trying to fit all these pieces together instead of going without and exploding from nothingness...

One way to help trim the fat so-to-speak - is watch spending at the grocery store... I am not that good of a grocery shopper I will fully admit it. I put it off like it is the plague come knocking at my door...I recently started to try and coupon "shop". I am such a newbie it isn't even funny. I am so intimidated by it all and yet here I am diving head first. I want to get as good as my friend or her friend... I mean total purchases totaling $125 and they pay $50 or less sometimes?? How in the heck do they do that?! I've tried... and failed...

But I am so unfocused... how do they find the time to plan, find coupons that really are what they need or use in their family, trim out & organize, and finally shop! It takes a long time to coupon shop. And you get a newbie like me trying to figure a layout of a new grocery store - well it's a recipe for disaster or a lesson in frustration to me. Imagine me going out for a "few things" and taking so long at our local Publix ping-ing from one end of the store to the exact opposite four-five times just like a pinball! CRAZINESS and maddening all rolled up in to one. I need to get organized, to streamline and learn the process better, faster ("We can rebuild her... we have the technology" - Bionic Man/Woman quote for all those out there that think I have totally lost it).

I digress... as usual... I try to give my family a variety of foods, healthy, yummy - but I am here to tell you it is NOT that easy on a STRICT and tight budget. My Safety-Man and I had that talk. You know the one I am talking about... the talk where he lets you know how far in debt you have become without realizing it. How life stinks... It's depressing... yes it is. But it is also an eye opener.... SOoooo coupon shop I will forge forward. I will try to get only things we need, and keep to lists and our budget (which is still morphing).

It's hard to keep under budget - especially when trying to kick in to gear a small business. We have bought so much to get things started. We have so much repair work to do to this house but now we need to decide on need vs aesthetics. We just have a lot pulling us in different directions... a crazy time. A budgeting time in which we need to stop, take a minute to breath, remember we are doing this for our family, for me to stay home, for our children to have someone with them, to keep our family whole. It is an important step however maddening. I just need to focus on the ultimate task and goal and relish in the fact that I am home with 2 beautiful little girls and take one step at a time with coupons and a limited list in hand...

Maddening musings

Everybody has an opinion...

...the question is when do I listen and when do I learn to block some out or just let them roll off me? I have gotten SOoooooooo many people's opinion about my back and my upcoming (gulp) surgery...what I should do, how I should do it, when or not to do it etc.

So yes this post is devoted ONCE again to my darn back and it's issues (I'm getting bored with this topic...dunno 'bout you?!). Many of the people that give opinions are family and friends that I care so much about and VALUE their opinions. I try to take what I can from them, either learning more, finding out I need to do more research, or putting it in my thought bank to come and discuss it with my awesome, loving, sounding board of a hubby. And BOY have I really come to him A LOT about this. He truly is the opinion that matters the most to me... I want him to see me healthy. I want him to really know how happy I am - where we are...

It's so hard to hear EVERYBODY and what they think - especially when I get people who barely know what is going on, they don't know the pain I have (as I sit here typing this half standing/half sitting because I hurt SO bad tonight), they just want to throw their thoughts in... maybe to get heard, maybe because they only think a certain way, - or maybe they do truly care. But I got bombarded with some comments earlier and WOW... I just got all stressed & second guessing our decision... one we have not taken lightly, one we, as a unit, my wonderful mr sounding board & I, have discussed for MONTHS... not days my friends, MONTHS & MONTHS.

A light example~

"well is he the best surgeon you could possibly have? You need to check EVERYONE and only let someone "cut you open" (yeah I love that line when I am looking at doing it in only a few short days - like i'm not scared enough with hearing CUT you OPEN...) that is experienced.

or
it's your back... "(Really? It is? It's my back and my body?).


Or there's this one:
"why would he put the metal in the front? are you sure that is the best place? maybe you should see how many he's done?!! (Nah... he's a newby - why not?!)
you should try to exhaust all your other options.... (Oh come on... seriously?! Really?! - do they honestly think that I haven't done EVERYTHING I could have??).

Here's a recent good one:
will it rust?! (I cannot even COMMENT on this one).

And the best comment ever...

are you sure you want to do this?! (NOOOOOoooooooooooo!!!! But do I have any other choice?)

Man it was rough to hear some things. But I guess I need to hear them. I need to be sure, convinced that I am doing the right thing. That I am truly ready to be done with a disfunctional back, done with pain and ready for the hard road to recovery. We've done everything we can, researched EVERY option available, and I would just end up here eventually. I am scared. Sure I would be dumb and kidding myself if I didn't admit to that. Maybe I should think about that and really focus on getting that feeling unraveled... but right now I am miffed. Miffed that I feel I am second guessing myself from other opinions that were forced on me.

(second edit - i had to make sure I didn't post right away - that i vented some feelings - and then reeled some in...that way i could actually feel ok by posting! hehehehe)

Musing on dumb opinions...

First Day of School... and all is well!

HOLY COW! We made it... it was a bit crazy after our vacation to BOOM! just start school one day later... but we did it! And I am happy to say we were able to iron out out who gets what for uniforms/supplies (ouch those both cost a bundle this year), but also a GREAT schedule that works for everyone.

I really wanted to get this schedule nailed down (minus the extracurricular activities that happen weekly) so that the girls could start from the get-go, a very structured day. In this way they would know what is expected of them and what they needed to get done. Last year was a little too chaotic for me. On top of everything else - I will be having spinal surgery this Fall and I wanted Daddy to have something that he can rely upon - to help him get through the days that I am recovering... Anything to make the entire "school process" go easier on us all.

The family theme for the year really seemed to excite the girls and Daddy - and seems to be working rather well (so far!!)!! At one point Ky didn't really seem to be listening to something at dinner and a gentle reminder that we are Listening and Following with our Hearts seemed to bring her right back and focus. Now don't get me wrong... I still had repeat things a few times, and there were constant questions... "What's next on the schedule (to-do) list?" - which cracked me up! BUT at least they were really feeling involved in the planning and participating in the execution of our family plan! So neat to watch them become a bit more independent each day.

Morning before 1st day of school!

Walking the girls to their classes

We dropped the girls off at their classrooms and they were a bundle of nerves and excitement. Boo's teacher was the same from last year and same class - so she really felt right at home. Ky's 4th grade was ALL new and she was a bit anxious - but really determined this was going to be a fun, exciting year. She is thrilled to have so many of her friends in this class!! I think it was harder on Momma seeing them off (as usual) but I got through it and had the support of Daddy there with me - so that was good!

Ky going in to her new FOURTH grade class!

Boo going in to her FIRST grade class!

Watching them come home and get off the bus was just so rewarding. Two girls were just ALL smiles and happy to see Mommy and Daddy... it was so sweet. They both just started talking ALL about their day. Ky's comment on her teacher... "she is the best teacher ever"!!!. So sweet!! I am so relieved to have my girls in such a FANTASTIC elementary school and that they have such wonderful teachers and great support from friends!!!

Boo has "Buchu Bunny" to help her ride the bus... happy to be home!

Ky...such a big girl now... sigh!

One day down... how many to go?

School musing...it can't be time for this already can it?

What a wonderful journey it's been... (2nd edit)

WOW is school really starting tomorrow... ?

I started my evening quiet time with a prayer, which led to tears, which lead to my soul singing and crying at the same time. I cannot believe how big my baby girls have grown. I cannot believe our "calm" and fun summer has come to a close. I cannot believe that they start school - one a FOURTH (Oh my good gracious is that really true? FOURTH grade?) and my baby in FIRST grade... how is this possible? We had such a great summer.

I am going on record to say... I LOVE SUMMERS. Well we all do right? Well I love summers because I get to spend the entire summer with my girls. I just want to keep them close and do LOTS of fun things together...I don't understand parents who "can't wait to get rid of their kids" - those thoughts just never really pass thru my mind! And for the most part this summer I think we did do fun things together and have a GREAT summer. I hope that my girls treasured their summer as much as I have.

During this quiet time tonight - as I was praying and trying to get a grip on tomorrow... I prayed so hard that the girls DID have a wonderful summer and that we made many, happy memories together... I know some of mine. But I also remember some of my not-so-great Momma moments... Sigh... I truly hope that they don't remember these times of short-tempered, or hurting days (that slowed down our summer) that I remember. I prayed thankfulness that the good days surpassed the bad. I hope they didn't mind too too much that this summer Momma had to take it easy... I truly hope.

Now school starts tomorrow and I will be alone in the house for the first time in quite awhile... I have specifically left things to do from our recent vacation. So that should help keep me occupied. I think I will also get lost in a good book for awhile.

We started tonight off with making a list of the daily activities so there was no confusion and I am to write up the family schedule ASAP and get it posted. I also decided that our family needed a theme for the year an idea that I recently read about in a wonderful blog I follow by a woman that just adores her family. I definitely will get back to her & her amazing attitude in a later blog (thank you Nie!) - but something just clicked while reading her blog and I knew... our family needed a theme as well...Something to concentrate upon... something to keep our family focused this year and not so chaotic... so I borrowed her idea and now...we have something that would keep our hearts and minds focused on what matters the most to us, God and our family.

I came up with:

Be Prepared

Listen and Follow with Your Heart

It's really quite simple... we wrote down our family thoughts on what it meant... they all were my favorite. Littlest Boo responded "it means to follow Jesus of course"... yes angel - you are more right than you know! Sooo I need to take my own advice. I need to be prepared for tomorrow. I need to be prepared mentally and physically. I am leaving my anxieties to the Lord (and with help from my good friends lol) and I am listening to my heart and allowing it to mourn the ending of one phase... but feel I am lead to rejoice in this new stage. There are most definitely anxieties wrapped up in a closing of one year to another. I will feel these different emotions listening and following my heart - but I will also move past them and try to take the wonderful new year for what it is.... more growing with my children - new phases and new discoveries. I will LISTEN with my heart to my girls... taking in every moment.

This week brings changes and they are all not good ones- and I think that's where I am anxious. Having our wonderful vacay at the end of the summer was fantastic - but bittersweet as well. Too soon the week was over and my parents/brother flew back to UT...too soon the fun and relaxtion was stopped and now my girls are going and I will make some TOUGH health decisions and choices this week.

Cast your anxieties upon the Lord!!

It's been a good - no great summer! But hopefully it will be a great school year as well!! I pray to be strong for the girls tomorrow and only boohoo when they cannot see me! (And I am not a crier!).

Thank you for the memories mes filles... it was a fantastic summer.

my girls are my muses tonight...

TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVELING!!

Oh the excitement... the anticipation... the joy at the preparation (NOT!!!! Come on my friends are you kidding me? I HATE the prep...) - HOWEVER - I do like the trip (albeit tiring) and just the fun of traveling.

We have done this wonderful trek to Garden City, SC (south of Myrtle Beach) since I was about FOUR or FIVE years old... 31-ish years!!! WHAT a tradition! This is something that as a little girl I would look forward to alllll year long. We would take that long trip down from VT/NH... And it was so easy to pack then - I just needed music, books, and whatever else in my carry-on but now... BOY do I know what my mom must have gone through - now that I am doing it!

Ahhh the tradition continues with the Marriners now... MY FAMILY! My parents fly in from UT and we travel all together. It's fun to catch up and visit before we leave. I really miss them -we're a very close knit family! Then we get up at an incredibly AWFUL (early) hour in the AM and travel 10ish hours north. My girls have been going since they were born and it creates such memories... Now I view the anticipation in their faces. I hear how they speak of it... And it reminds me of the innocence and just fun of vacation and traveling!!

Just tonight little Boo asks me "Momma are you excited for the beach (always how we refer to our vacation). And I could unequivocately answer YES!! Everything was packed and ready to go and now the excitement to get outta dodge and just go relax at a house, right on the beach, TRAVELING to a new, yet familiar place is just AWESOME!

I dislike the preps for traveling. I get nervous and stressed a bit (Chris would say A LOT more than a bit). However - I love to go places, I love to do new things, I love to see new places, eat and drink in the culture...

But right now - I love going to "the beach". I love being with friends & family. I love that we go EVERY year and I have only missed going twice (1st - 16yrs old - I was in Zimbabwe, Africa on a mission trip & 2nd I had just had my 2nd baby girl and she was only 2 weeks old). I even went 3 days after my surgery on my back last summer!!!

Our family loves "the beach". It's true. The travling, the fun, the excitement, it is alll part of vacation!!!!

This is a bit choppy and rambling... but I just am excited and wanted to write a little about our TRAVELING!!! It's been a wonderful summer... but we need our VACATION finally!

musing on travels... my mind wanders on allll the other places i want to go sometime soon....

Snuggles...

I just love this word. I love how it makes me feel. I love snuggling. I love how my kids love snuggling.

Snuggles. or as Boo says it ... Snawguls.

"Momma snawguls?" Every night before the girls go to sleep. Even my Kyky asks still. I love it. I love lying down next to them and putting my arm around them. They shift... they turn towards me or scoot closer to me. They move their little heads like kittens towards their Momma. Finding that just comfy place.... and then...

We soul sigh. Mommy and child fitting together like a perfect piece of a puzzle. Mommy and child - a bond that will never cease or break or bend. It's always there... always waiting for that next snuggle. It's a gift from God. I truly feel so close to my girls when we snuggle together. And those precious moments in time are when my girls really open up to me. They share everything during "snuggle time": expectations, sadness, boldness, gossip (as much as a 5 and 9 yr old gossip - and we don't condone gossip... but it's so darn cute to hear classroom dramas), hopes, dreams, happiness, and fear. But mostly snuggle time is thanking God for our blessings, and sharing our love. It's so awe-some - in the true sense of the word. Just snuggling... just wonderful.

I read recently a comment on a recent blog that poo-pooed the word snuggle. "Don't you hate that word?". Like it meant something so x-rated, something evil or bad. I just don't get it. Snuggling is something so pure in our family. Heck I look fwd to when my mom comes tomorrow so I can sit next to her and just snuggle against her. So I can get close to my dad and just snuggle up in one of his great bear hugs... SNUGGGGGGGGGGGGGLING. It's the best form of loving I can imagine.

When I read to my little ones... I just feel this calmness come over me when they get close to me and snuggle up to me. If they don't come and get close I feel something is not right and it's hard to concentrate on reading. I think that my love of snuggling is a gift... I learned it from such fantastic, loving, blessed, family members... I just hope that I can continue to share it with my loved ones for a long, long, LONG time to come... there is nothing greater than sitting with your grandma and snuggling up for one of her tales...

Can I please do that in the years to come?

Snawguls.

It's just what we do.

We are snugglers and I have two of the greatest snugglers in the whole wide world!

How can you go wrong with snuggling? I wonder where my girls learned it from? Geeeee I wonder?? Now THAT'S a good legacy I think...

Musing on getting some snawguls from my girls tonight before I finally rest this weary head...

Be Again...

I will dance again...

I will be normal again...

I will be free again...

I will have peace again...

I will move gracefully again...

I will laugh again...

I will play HARD & with passion again...

I will be... again...

I will be me again...

Smells...

Ahhh smells! It's funny I am thinking about this (at 1:26am) but smells really play a huge part in life...

Smells can totally make or break a day or a moment. When you smell something good - it can remind you of something in the past...or bring you to a particular moment or place in time. They can help enhance taste (or even ruin taste). Smells can be positive or negative... but really I would be so lost without my sense of smell. And I know personally a few people who really don't have "smelling" rights... yep doesn't work... WOW - I would be so lost.

I got thinking about my Nain's (maternal g-ma's) house (which was one of my MOST, special places on Earth to be) and that certain smell she had in her house. Aaaaaaaaaaa... it was intoxicating to my senses. To me... it always smelled like home, a refuge. It was ALWAYS the same. I remember being so stressed out and just sitting there breathing in and out through my nose at her house and it just calmed me. Sometimes I get a mild drift of that smell (even though I haven't been there since we had to clean it out and sell it) and I know she is with me... watching over me... guiding and helping me. Call me crazy my friends... call me crazy but it is true. Her house had that je ne sais quoi... but it's a special smell. And there are times where I go to her closed bookshelf I have the honour of having and open the door and just BREATHE DEEEEeeep... it's about as close to her as I can get and the unique aroma just emerges from it. Yes... I inhale the old books, the shelves themselves... and yes my friends, I stand there taking that nostalgic essence in...Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I started thinking of smells tonight... as I sat here by my new 'Scentsy'. It is this wonderful little pièce d'art that uses a light bulb (no flames people... chilluns in the house) and some soft, totally AWESOME, smelly (in a good way) wax!! Right now - I have I think Home Sweet Home going (been going on one block for DAYS now)... it reminds me of apples and spices... YUM!! I think I will try the Clean Breeze next... there is nothing better than the smell of LAUNDRY... clean laundry or maybe I should say detergent that is! It just eases the nerves and when I walk in to my house I look fwd to the wonderful aroma that awaits my tender nostrils...that tease and relax my olfactory system... heck my whole body! There is definitely something to be said for aroma therapy! And it really dawned on me today - I am super sensitive to all kinds of scents. And I am super glad - because they never let me down... either they warn me or they help me explore and enjoy so many wonderful things that God puts in my path of life!

Musings on essence...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa sniff...sniff

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY Little Boo! 7/27/02

I just cannot believe she's 7! It went by so fast. I held her tiny little form when she was born and wondered at the miracle placed on me. How could I be so lucky and blessed? She was strong and continues to be strong. She is a fighter, a leader, independent, and mine.

Why does time soar along so fast? I held her tightly, caressing her and loving her tiny little form. Loving how she fit in my arms. I blinked. She changed. She is no longer my tiny baby - but she is so big & strong, beautiful, growing and changing so fast. I am afraid to blink again. I am afraid I will miss something of this small, little wonder. I am afraid that she will blossom and change so fast that my heart will not grow with her.

how little you were...

Ahhh time is a funny thing. But time does give us blessings of watching the wonder of the world through their eyes. And seeing all the miracles of their becoming "themselves". So special. So sacred.

My baby... my tiny little Boo... seven. When did it happen?

Happy birthday sweet Boo Boo Bear... Happy Birthday to my baby, always.

Musings on how time can just go by so fast...

Clay, clay, clay, clay, CLAY

Ahhhhhh the texture, the release, the squishy, cool feeling. It is so gratifying to put your hands in to a clay body. There are so many different types of clays and so many different textures of the clay. This I never knew until I really started diving in... you could say hands first!

I have always been highly motivated to work with my hands. I come from a long line of HIGHLY intelligent and crafty ladies. I have worked with MANY, MANY mediums... even types of clay at one point... Scultpty was as far as I got with making things. But honestly it just didn't do it for me. It was a hard clay-too hard, it was a bit picky... yes it was colorful and my creative mind was exploding with ideas... but due to the expense and the difficulty of using the body of clay - well I just decided that it just wasn't exactly what I was looking for... It was kinda a bummah for me because I did enjoy making the things I had... so imagine my surprise when I found clay... right from nature. This WONDERFUL substance. This forgiving medium. I absolutely fell IN LOVE with CLAY!

I was heavily influenced on a camping trip... I just COULD NOT put down this Raku clay I bought for a friend to bring camping. I just thought it was a neat idea & needed to be supported! So away we went and when the clay came out - I saw ALL of our faces just lighting up. And I felt at peace... I felt a sense of "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" - complete with the stress and worries relaxing out through my fingertips into the clay to be molded and pressed away from me. I just cannot totally express this soulful moment I had. I had found my outlet, my therapy. I had found my niche... I had found my one thing that I can truly excel at. It just clicked with me.

And since then I have not stopped... in fact I have picked up pace so much that it is a daily part of my life. I am ALWAYS thinking about my ceramics. How it can help me feel, how it could help my family both with actual items but also monetarily. It is my outlet, my calm, my meditation. In fact I get to the point where I try to figure out how I can escape sometimes to just go quietly and produce something or just to shape the clay for a bit - maybe it will become something and maybe it won't but it gratifies the soul and helps me to really let go.


Clay and my ceramics seems to be popping out everywhere... It is infectious and even my children and hubby are not only attracted to it but addicted to it like I am... We love to create. I think God has put this bug in to us and we are passing it to our little ones. We did a porcelain platter for my Boo's 7th birthday where all her little friends signed it. I cannot wait to see how that guy turns out!

Going in to a ceramic store is for me like a kiddo in a candy store! This is an exciting time for me.

I am now starting to actually try to go professional and LOVE these new adventures! My safety guy (hubby) has been throwing lots of things on the wheel (however I want to HOARD them all and not sell!!!!!). And I am starting to really work on the wheel myself. I love it!!

He and I are working on a "nature series" - which are platters, plates & bowls all based on our local leaves and plants... we have an Elephant Ear platter and Sea Grape small, shallow dipping bowls or soap holders. I am working on a lot of different plates of different leaves (Leechi nut, Sea Grape, Pythos, Bird of Paradise, etc) - it's all so exciting. I am also working with porcelain for my new jewelry- all inspired by my FAVORITE earrings (seen here) from CharityElise!


Another professional outlet is a little company I started with a friend - First Impressions Ceramics (http://www.firstimpressionsceramics.com/) doing little hand and foot impressions in clay! What mommy wouldn't love darling little imprints of her baby's hands or feet?! And these are heirloom quality pieces.

A little example of some of the earrings I am working on... it's truly a lot of fun!

This clay has weaved so much in to MY life... heck - our lives. I plan to start putting these endeavors online soon... like First Impressions. Maybe it will be a sister blog to this blog and also I plan to list things on Etsy.com - to show my artwork and start to sell things to make some money for me and my family! I do have a few festivals I will be going to and will try my luck selling!

Ahhhhhhhhh clay... to me it's about finding myself in working with it. God gave me a gift and I am blessed to have found it. I truly love it. I am so thankful to be able to create.... to have my own niche!

"Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in." Amy Lowell (1874 - 1925)

Musing on whether I have time tonight to go play with my clay some more...

What a day!

The Start~~~

We had such a great morning... I love getting up with my girls and making them breakfast. Well let me clarify... I love to do it when it is not that I am MADE to do it (in other words for school every day). Quite honestly I have not done it as much as I like to this summer - because of not being able to sleep at night. So this morning was a nice time.

Kyky had one of her best friends sleep over. What a doll she is. The three girls were all well behaved and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast (if I do say so myself) of chocolate chip pancakes. You know it is special times when I make these badboys. And... hey... WAIT A MINUTE... I didn't get to eat any!!! hahaha oh well! Next time!!

After their friend left, our girls did a great job just reading and playing. I heard some real active "pretending" and I just melted. I truly love that. I love to watch their imaginations running wild!

The Middle~~~

Kyky had asked if we could go to the beach and since that is just around the corner... and I really needed a day to just unplug... I said SURE! But while they wanted to play a bit longer and I started my ceramics again - so we left after noon. It was actually a nice time to leave. There really was not a lot of people on the beach. I did watch some teenagers and I am telling you right now, if my daughters act like these girls and their nasty behavior, I will NOT be a happy Momma. But I am so proud of these girls and how well they are doing... I AM a happy Momma!!

Me and my girls... enjoying our day together!

The Afternoon~~~

All-in-all we swam, made small sand castles, swam, ate, swam, sunned, swam, snacked, drank, swam, read, swam and even Kyky got a little nappy in! We just had fun playing Marco "POOL-o" (as cutey patootey Boo says). We had fun playing Simon Says. We had fun swimming. We had fun playing Boo's bucket game (don't you all just want to know how to play this game?! Fill a small bucket with 1/4 of sand, throw it and Boo retrieves it!!!), and we all had fun while I tugged them around the water on their boogie boards!!

Smiley girl - ready for some company in the water...

Kyky decides a snooze is in order (complete with sleeping mask!)

Momma enjoying the sun and watching her kiddos!

The Departure~~

The girls were so wonderful about leaving when it was time and we had just a BLAST on the way home! Singing, "Fred" the seagull following us all the way to "5 guys" (wink wink, nudge nudge) and just giggling and laughing. They both donned wonderful hats and looked so darn cute...

Car trip home... the girls singing and being silly made my day!

We ended the evening eating, watching a family movie, and tucking them in for bed... hard to believe another day of summer is gone... but it truly was a superb day - one that will remain in my memory for years to come. I SO enjoyed being with my girls today. And really was able to relax with them! AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 'da BEACH was NI-Iiiiiiice!!! So nice!

Musings on memories...