I made it...

I made it. I made it through surgery. This is the worst pain ever. I am not happy. Mentally I do feel better. Physically I am dying... slowly. I feel like I can still feel them working on me... creepy. I cry daily...sometimes several times - not a "regular" thing for me so it's hard. I feel so helpless.

My daughter screamed today and I couldn't come running... couldn't even come walking... just lied there trying to get Chris to go... hard Mommy moment.

I will have better posts. I promise. I am only 4 days Post-Op. But I wanted to say each day is a smidge better. O, but the mountain I have to climb, it is so unreal. I have been crying to God. Whining I guess. Which just makes me mad and humbled. God is so great. He does abide and is so full of love. I am so blessed to be walking again, to have this opportunity- this chance to be free from pain. I just have trouble seeing that thru this cloud of pain. I feel kinda alone. I feel a bit secluded that I am "putting people out". I DETEST asking for help - not because I don't appreciate it... it's just hard. I am a giver... and everyone has been wonderful. I have gotten soo many notes and prayers and thoughts and love. It's just me, pain & trying to see through the fog... It's only a few days past ... give it time. Mentally today was a GOOD day. Physically... well I guess I've covered that already.

News from the surgery:
~~ It went very well as far as being "cut open" can be.
~~ I have STRONG bones around the weak bone they took out.
~~ I have a 7 centimeter horizontal incision on the front-under my belly button
~~ I have 2 - 5 centimeter vertical incisions on my back (which is strange to us since they were supposed to do 2 punctures percutaneous (right through the skin). So we'll have to ask about that on my Post-Op appt 10/12 with my Neuro-surgeon.
~~ I did not do well with the anesthesia... as usual.
~~ I got "stuck" 16 times between 2 arms... and am bruised too much! OUCHEY!!!
~~ I spent an extra day in the hospital - blood pressure was 94/52... not good. NOT GOOD.
~~ I missed my girls, I missed mr safety-man, I missed my bed, I missed home.
~~ I am home, I am safe, I am blessed.

Thank you to allll my support. I am humbled. I am blessed. I know I am loved. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.