Thursday, March 31, 2011

Recuping...

Doing some resting for a bit. Over did things just a tad today and am feeling crappy because of it... but i have some good live lil' angels watching over me... My girls have been so helpful and caring. I love it.

then I have this guy...he hasn't left my side since I got home... and sneaks in to bed with me...

NOoooo not Mr Safety Man.... but....
This little cutey....

Making sure his Momma is ok... FAST ASLEEP - both of us!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

"READY?! OK!!!"

I feel like a cheerleader right before they start a cheer...

But I think I am ready. Tomorrow's another "big day" in my physical life. I really just wanted one of those  years - you know - the nice, run-o-the-mill, 'boring' years. But it's not. I guess that is what life is... ups and downs. I just kinda wanted some more happy - ups... than stressed out downs. But it's a quick procedure and I will HOPEFULLY be in and then out. Anesthetic is not my friend... but I am determined to do well and get home. I don't want big deals to be made. In fact wish I could have gotten away with just fading this in to "nothing going on". I just want to go and get it done and then be home - home's where I just want to be. HECK I wanted it all done a week ago.

These are the times that you really wish you lived near your family. Or they were close enough to come to help you out with the kiddos. But I don't. My family are across the country in Utah. I feel so badly when I have to ask for help. I don't want to put people out... I am so fortunate enough to have realllllly wonderful friends who will once again... bail me out and take my kiddos for me and watch over them until this is all done.  I say a special thank you to them. A special one to Amy - who always listens to me & offers such good advice - even telling me of her experience to ease my growing fears...

I don't know where I'd be without my friends who support me
l o n g  d i s t a n c e, 

on the phone,
here,
or wherever
THANK YOU!

Thank you Lord for watching over me, giving me such wonderful friends & family who don't know how much they mean to me and help me. Please watch over me tomorrow morning. Be with me and be with my children and hubby as they will be worried until it is all done.
Thank you for the blessing that you bestow upon us... for the strength you give us... 
In Jesus' name we pray-AMEN.
Cast all your cares to Him for He cares for you. 1Peter5:7

Am I ready for tomorrow? Nah. Do I wanna go? of course not. Do I feel panicked? yeah. Will it be over soon? YEP!!! 
READYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy???  ehhh not so much!!
but i can do it for them.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What can I do?

All of the devastation in Japan has really gotten to me. i cannot even watch the news for i just 'tear' up. It's been a hard year and my emotions - well they're always on my sleeve, as of lately.  But i kept asking myself "isn't there something that iiiiii can do - besides to send money. i agree with my friend from "Pink Fig" - Chelsea... if i could i would shoot over there and help out. That is exactly how strongly i feel. The worst is knowing the children' stories. Losing a family member... let alone a child (parent) it's just awful. It is the absolute worst feeling in the world.

So what CAN I DO?

As i was reading the Pink Fig blog - it hit! i can sew. i love to sew. Sewing - alone brings me comfort in times of trouble and it brings me such happiness & joy. i love to see little ones smile. i love making something and seeing a happy face when i am done. WELL hello KYMMIE!?! iiiiii can contribute to these little, sweet children in Japan by sewing and Chelsea has the cutest child's t-shirt pattern to represent our love and support of Japan. She will be gathering t-shirts that we have made and sending them on to Japan. I posted the button at the top of this blog if anyone else is interested in checking out the sew along at Living with Punks. Or read about the project for Japan - here - on the Pink Fig blog. What a FANTASTIC and THOUGHTFUL idea... 
I think children are such a integral part of my 'being' - that this project is just the exact fit for me. Knowing that a little girl or boy will wear this shirt (or later hold a doll I will make)... yes... that gives the chills I have been feeling - a warm kick! A hug. THAT'S what I have wanted to do - just gather these lil' ones and hug them, rock them, help make their devastation and fears go away... 
A virtual hug... that's what I will be sending to those sweet children in Japan. A hug from me.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Keeping Calm... and Carrying On...



I love this poster... I have to say. It really resonates in my soul and mind. I have decided that I just HAVE to have this poster in my house. It is such a good reminder AND it will go well with the pennants I have made with positive affirmations. I think the more you read words that are uplifting and positive... the more you are going to believe in them.

I wanted to find out more about the poster. I wanted to know where it originated from... where the crown was from... why did the British print the posters? What did the original poster actually mean? I just love history - I mean I am a HUGE history buff... and was pleased to find that the original poster dates back to 1939!! World War II is not my favorite time period in history - but I really enjoyed learning why the poster was made. I looked here and here and found some interesting facts about it's coming back in to "fad" now! There's actually a lot of blogs and sites talking about the poster. I got a bit lost in my Google searches!!

I found one shop on Etsy that has posters with different sayings!! One that says... Keep Calm and SEW on... yep I think I need that one. Oh and another one that Mr SafetyMan (or Boatman) would love... Keep Calm and SAIL on... oooooo and then there was one I found that just said... CROCHET ON...

Yep I can see it getting a bit crazy in here with these posters... but maybe I should just keep it simple.

KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Blue

The skies are certainly blue. I love being able to see it. The sun does help me warm up - I just wish my mood wasn't so blue. Why? Why do I feel the way I feel? It is frustrating and heartbreaking.

We had a WONDERFUL and I mean WONDERFUL Spring Break. I cannot wait to post photos! We were really in our element. It was SO good to be together as a family. I love our time together. I truly, truly do. 
Families are forever.
I believe that with all my heart.

It was so fun together. We had a TERRIFIC week!  But then it rained the last day. We had to leave a bit earlier - not my choice. And it hit...our wonderful Disney World passes that I didn't think were even obtainable when we actually got them - until they were in our hot little hands- are expiring at the end of this month. There is no renewing them... not this year. Not with the year we've had. It's too bad. I really love going to Disney World. I know how lucky we were to be able to get our annual passes. I love to see my little, sweet girls' faces when go on a ride or show they love. I love that my oldest (11yrs old) still lights up that Minney Mouse waved to her.."She looked right at me Mommy and WAVED!!!".  It's been such a blessing to help us get a through a really tough time. A time I am sorry to say that is never gone. It's always lurking in the shadows of my mind. I think I am doing better though. sometimes. Is it funny to say that going to Disney has helped?

But I guess I'm down for a variety of reasons. Only I can't shake them. I want to lie down and throw the covers over my head and not move. I feel things are not controllable - and that is hard for me. I see my Sweetpea and she is growing up fast - but still a little girl. She is trying so hard to figure out who she is... then it hits... She'll be in Middle School next year. And I don't want that. But I do. I don't want to lose my first born baby...not that I am losing her... but the "baby" I am. I pray that she will still be my sweet girl. But we know Middle school age stereotypes...don't we? I pray she will be like me and my mom were. I never thought my mom was "queer" (yes... it was the 80's y'all). I never was embarrassed to hug her in front of my friends. I was a bit unique I guess. But I adored (still do) my mom and dad. I just pray I have that with both my girls. They are such snuggle-y wonders to me. How did I receive such a gift - twice? Such blessings?

I am sad. Yes. I will work through it and try to be more "me". Yes. Remembering that what is important is right here with me and beside me... crawling in to bed with me the last few days, weeks, months - still to wipe away bad dreams and telling me that they love me. THAT is what will help me defeat these awful feelings.
Yes.

I will somehow triumph. yes.