Two songs... that really have me emotional tonight...

The first is a familiar one to most... Greenday's Time of Your Life...
http://www.ilike.com/artist/TIME+OF+YOUR+LIFE/track/GREENDAY

"Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.
So make the best of this task
and don`t ask why.
It`s not a question
but a lesson learned in time.
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
of good health and good time.
Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it`s worth,
it was worth all the while.
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."

It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."
It`s something unpredictable
but in the end is right.
I hope you had the time of your life."

A hard song for me to listen to tonight... but hey it's allowing me to get some of these feelings out... silently crying, silent & alone, sitting here, thinking about how much I will miss her, how my poor girls will be so sad without their grammy san. How much she has meant to this family. How close I have become to her... a lady of strength. I truly hope she's had the time of her life... She has added to mine...

The second song is from Skillet... Called Rest. A song that's helping me try to grasp all this crap (because that's exactly what it is)... a song that somewhere somehow is trying to give me peace... http://www.ilike.com/artist/Skillet/track/Rest (ignore the video... i don't think it's theirs)
Still, soft quietly spoken voice, that persistently calls my name,
And quickens my heart to come, And I come

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

Embraced in the promise of You, Is rest for the weary soul,
Releasing all that is mine I reach for You

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

Take the old and You make it new, Everything I give to You,
You're the hope that can pull me through, HALLELUJAH!!!
HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH!

And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of Your Grace,
And I rest in the shelter of Your love,
and I rest in the wonder of You

I love you so much San/Mom.

Please give me strength Lord. You are the hope that can pull me through.

And awayyyyyyyyyyy we go...

Well everything but the girls shoes and toiletries are packed up...
Hard to believe this time I've dreaded to come is here. We are off to visit and probably say goodbye to my Safety-Man's momma. It will be extremely emotional for all of us... I am sure it will definitely be hard. I am sure it will be draining and sad. But I also hope that we have some wonderful, lasting memories. Some happy, memorable times.

I am looking forward to going to the Grasshopper Shoppe, and some sweet local shops in Blue Hill. I am MOST looking forward to seeing our loved ones and walking, playing, being at the seaside at Mimi's (Mr Safety-Man's grandma) house. And of course seeing the bed and breakfast mansion we almost bought - Arcady DownEast - our dream home... A girl can dream right?!

Sigh... ok here we go... We can do this...

Songs...

How can a song trigger such emotions so quickly?

I am a music HOUND. I LOVE all types of music. My friends laugh at Mr. Safety-Man's and my diverse music taste. We have everything from classical, to hard rock, to some rap, to alternative, to now country (ok and that was SO hard for me to type - since I have battled liking that "type" of music for so long).

But today as I was getting some things accomplished... I put on my play list and this song came on. It has been a favorite of mine since it originally came out. But this time it came on - it had some different meaning. It was able to fit into my issues happening now, my emotions now. And I was able to release some of my feelings... just a little... but it helped.

Music - such a funny thing how it can even evoke emotions from your past, bring up un-remembered memories, change your point of view... help you deal with situations that you feel out of control over, and even help you to heal... a little at a time.

T-MINUS TWO DAYS...

So why am I counting down to my surgery day? If it freaks me out that much? Why count down? Well most of the time I think I am handling it "o.k."... and then other times I think holy cow... it is THIS Wednesday! WOW! When the heck did that happen?

G. U. L. P. !!!

In a way I have been waiting all summer for this. The pain's getting worse - so I really should be ecstatic that I am having this done and hopefully going to be pain free. Yet, (there's that word again) I know I am getting anxious. My stomach is constantly flutter-y (swirly as Ky calls it). My heart does that extra beat here and there. I haven't been eating... I can't. I cannot sleep at night - it's been since Thursday that I've slept. I sleep for 20 minutes and then wake for 30-1hour... sleep for 30... wake for 30 etc... I have lovely bags under these greenish eyes of mine! BLECK. Is the 'Goth look' a good look for me?!

I know it's fear of the unknown. I know it's nervousness for my kiddos and my dear safety-hubby. I want their schedules to be as un-changed/un-interrupted as possible. I remember when my mom had major surgery (brain aneurysm) and how it affected me... I don't want that to happen to my family. But it will. That's life. But we will grow together as a family - and I have wonderful friends...such lovely, wonderful friends always helping and supporting us.

I don't look fwd to being sick after surgery. I don't look fwd to the rehab... it's going to be a long, long, long road...

The bright side?! PAIN FREeeeeeeeeeeeeee! This pain has gotten the best of me lately and I just have faith that it will all be good! And then NO MORE of feeling like this - EVER! I can be ME again!!! Gimme a WOOT WOOT! I have really high hopes. And I haven't had high hopes in the past for a long, long time. So this is good news! Hopefully mentally (& physically of course) I will start being Kymmie once more... I want to be happy, living life again with always a smile and not all this weight on me.

Asking too much? Well, we have to have hopes, goals, dreams right? I am trying not to be pessimistic right now. Optimistic like I used to be... Can't wait to do things like a young 30-something (ahem) woman.

Right now I am filled with some "raw emotion" - I am very emotional (in all spectrum of the term) - I guess that's normal. So I am burying myself in "getting ready" - not thinking and just moving ahead... I am scared. I am frightened. I am anxious. Mostly... I am trying to fill myself with being hopeful and having deep FAITH!

(If you don't mind... say a little prayer & good thought/wish for me... thanks!)