Time for a new norm...

Well something happened to my last background and I couldn't get the blog to function properly... so I "upgraded" or at least I changed things up a tad.

A "new norm" has a lot of significance to my life now... I just don't know really how to start the explanation except to say... I have had more sorrow, grief, and loss in 3 months than a person should have to bear in years.

I don't even know how to write about how I feel or all that happened. I don't even know where to begin... I thought the "death and sadness" was over. It wasn't.

I have lost so much. We have lost so much.

On July 8th (our 15-year & my parents' 43rd wedding anniversaries), 2010 evening... I have lost my dear, sweet, 5-year old twin nephew... ANDREW ROBERT REDDIG.
I can't go in to details except to say he was riding his bike and was hit by car. We miss him desperately. My family is broken. He was my kindred spirit - so alike me - it hurts to think. Why my family?

And then to make our lives a little more like a soap-opera or BAD drama... on top of Mr Safety-Man's mom passing away. His dad died in his sleep - the night before my sweet Andrew's funeral. WHY?????????????? O WHY LORD is this happening?

I had a more eloquently post brewing in my head. But I just cannot seem to say what I want to say. I am filled with such loss.

I spent the month with my sister and her family in Logan, UT. Trying to help - the best I could. Trying to make the hurt less noticeable. Trying with all my might to turn back the clock and make Andrew re-appear. It didn't work. But we did find strength through our family. We did lean on eachother. When one of us was down... the other built them up. Our children helped us - with their need of us. Even the pets felt the great loss and rallied around us. I tried to make my sister and her hubby feel that life was still ok. My sister is so brave and strong. But she is so sad too. She is re-building a "new normal" - she says. I just don't want to right now. She is my guide. I am trying to be more like her. The grief and loss hit at the oddest times and sometimes just don't go away. Yesterday was like that. But I guess I put myself on "DeNiAL IsLaNd" - (it's the place to be don'tcha know?)- helping everyone else in Utah. because now I am home in Florida again and I feel the loss over again...It hurts. It cuts. It's raw. I feel alone. I feel bitter. I feel cheated. I feel lost and in despair. I feel so sad...

I will write more as I can... But for right now?! I keep busy, I don't sleep, I try to "be" for my girls.

Lord, I am looking for you, help?