HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY Little Boo! 7/27/02

I just cannot believe she's 7! It went by so fast. I held her tiny little form when she was born and wondered at the miracle placed on me. How could I be so lucky and blessed? She was strong and continues to be strong. She is a fighter, a leader, independent, and mine.

Why does time soar along so fast? I held her tightly, caressing her and loving her tiny little form. Loving how she fit in my arms. I blinked. She changed. She is no longer my tiny baby - but she is so big & strong, beautiful, growing and changing so fast. I am afraid to blink again. I am afraid I will miss something of this small, little wonder. I am afraid that she will blossom and change so fast that my heart will not grow with her.

how little you were...

Ahhh time is a funny thing. But time does give us blessings of watching the wonder of the world through their eyes. And seeing all the miracles of their becoming "themselves". So special. So sacred.

My baby... my tiny little Boo... seven. When did it happen?

Happy birthday sweet Boo Boo Bear... Happy Birthday to my baby, always.

Musings on how time can just go by so fast...

Clay, clay, clay, clay, CLAY

Ahhhhhh the texture, the release, the squishy, cool feeling. It is so gratifying to put your hands in to a clay body. There are so many different types of clays and so many different textures of the clay. This I never knew until I really started diving in... you could say hands first!

I have always been highly motivated to work with my hands. I come from a long line of HIGHLY intelligent and crafty ladies. I have worked with MANY, MANY mediums... even types of clay at one point... Scultpty was as far as I got with making things. But honestly it just didn't do it for me. It was a hard clay-too hard, it was a bit picky... yes it was colorful and my creative mind was exploding with ideas... but due to the expense and the difficulty of using the body of clay - well I just decided that it just wasn't exactly what I was looking for... It was kinda a bummah for me because I did enjoy making the things I had... so imagine my surprise when I found clay... right from nature. This WONDERFUL substance. This forgiving medium. I absolutely fell IN LOVE with CLAY!

I was heavily influenced on a camping trip... I just COULD NOT put down this Raku clay I bought for a friend to bring camping. I just thought it was a neat idea & needed to be supported! So away we went and when the clay came out - I saw ALL of our faces just lighting up. And I felt at peace... I felt a sense of "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" - complete with the stress and worries relaxing out through my fingertips into the clay to be molded and pressed away from me. I just cannot totally express this soulful moment I had. I had found my outlet, my therapy. I had found my niche... I had found my one thing that I can truly excel at. It just clicked with me.

And since then I have not stopped... in fact I have picked up pace so much that it is a daily part of my life. I am ALWAYS thinking about my ceramics. How it can help me feel, how it could help my family both with actual items but also monetarily. It is my outlet, my calm, my meditation. In fact I get to the point where I try to figure out how I can escape sometimes to just go quietly and produce something or just to shape the clay for a bit - maybe it will become something and maybe it won't but it gratifies the soul and helps me to really let go.


Clay and my ceramics seems to be popping out everywhere... It is infectious and even my children and hubby are not only attracted to it but addicted to it like I am... We love to create. I think God has put this bug in to us and we are passing it to our little ones. We did a porcelain platter for my Boo's 7th birthday where all her little friends signed it. I cannot wait to see how that guy turns out!

Going in to a ceramic store is for me like a kiddo in a candy store! This is an exciting time for me.

I am now starting to actually try to go professional and LOVE these new adventures! My safety guy (hubby) has been throwing lots of things on the wheel (however I want to HOARD them all and not sell!!!!!). And I am starting to really work on the wheel myself. I love it!!

He and I are working on a "nature series" - which are platters, plates & bowls all based on our local leaves and plants... we have an Elephant Ear platter and Sea Grape small, shallow dipping bowls or soap holders. I am working on a lot of different plates of different leaves (Leechi nut, Sea Grape, Pythos, Bird of Paradise, etc) - it's all so exciting. I am also working with porcelain for my new jewelry- all inspired by my FAVORITE earrings (seen here) from CharityElise!


Another professional outlet is a little company I started with a friend - First Impressions Ceramics (http://www.firstimpressionsceramics.com/) doing little hand and foot impressions in clay! What mommy wouldn't love darling little imprints of her baby's hands or feet?! And these are heirloom quality pieces.

A little example of some of the earrings I am working on... it's truly a lot of fun!

This clay has weaved so much in to MY life... heck - our lives. I plan to start putting these endeavors online soon... like First Impressions. Maybe it will be a sister blog to this blog and also I plan to list things on Etsy.com - to show my artwork and start to sell things to make some money for me and my family! I do have a few festivals I will be going to and will try my luck selling!

Ahhhhhhhhh clay... to me it's about finding myself in working with it. God gave me a gift and I am blessed to have found it. I truly love it. I am so thankful to be able to create.... to have my own niche!

"Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in." Amy Lowell (1874 - 1925)

Musing on whether I have time tonight to go play with my clay some more...

What a day!

The Start~~~

We had such a great morning... I love getting up with my girls and making them breakfast. Well let me clarify... I love to do it when it is not that I am MADE to do it (in other words for school every day). Quite honestly I have not done it as much as I like to this summer - because of not being able to sleep at night. So this morning was a nice time.

Kyky had one of her best friends sleep over. What a doll she is. The three girls were all well behaved and enjoyed a wonderful breakfast (if I do say so myself) of chocolate chip pancakes. You know it is special times when I make these badboys. And... hey... WAIT A MINUTE... I didn't get to eat any!!! hahaha oh well! Next time!!

After their friend left, our girls did a great job just reading and playing. I heard some real active "pretending" and I just melted. I truly love that. I love to watch their imaginations running wild!

The Middle~~~

Kyky had asked if we could go to the beach and since that is just around the corner... and I really needed a day to just unplug... I said SURE! But while they wanted to play a bit longer and I started my ceramics again - so we left after noon. It was actually a nice time to leave. There really was not a lot of people on the beach. I did watch some teenagers and I am telling you right now, if my daughters act like these girls and their nasty behavior, I will NOT be a happy Momma. But I am so proud of these girls and how well they are doing... I AM a happy Momma!!

Me and my girls... enjoying our day together!

The Afternoon~~~

All-in-all we swam, made small sand castles, swam, ate, swam, sunned, swam, snacked, drank, swam, read, swam and even Kyky got a little nappy in! We just had fun playing Marco "POOL-o" (as cutey patootey Boo says). We had fun playing Simon Says. We had fun swimming. We had fun playing Boo's bucket game (don't you all just want to know how to play this game?! Fill a small bucket with 1/4 of sand, throw it and Boo retrieves it!!!), and we all had fun while I tugged them around the water on their boogie boards!!

Smiley girl - ready for some company in the water...

Kyky decides a snooze is in order (complete with sleeping mask!)

Momma enjoying the sun and watching her kiddos!

The Departure~~

The girls were so wonderful about leaving when it was time and we had just a BLAST on the way home! Singing, "Fred" the seagull following us all the way to "5 guys" (wink wink, nudge nudge) and just giggling and laughing. They both donned wonderful hats and looked so darn cute...

Car trip home... the girls singing and being silly made my day!

We ended the evening eating, watching a family movie, and tucking them in for bed... hard to believe another day of summer is gone... but it truly was a superb day - one that will remain in my memory for years to come. I SO enjoyed being with my girls today. And really was able to relax with them! AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 'da BEACH was NI-Iiiiiiice!!! So nice!

Musings on memories...

Hard to believe...

I cannot believe that my baby is turning SEVEN in a week... I was looking at photos tonight and I couldn't believe the one I just found... It almost makes me hurt looking at it! Boo was a very difficult pregnancy for me... unfortunately partly one of the reasons my back is the way it is (big babies), but also she truly wanted to come EARLY... like at 22 weeks!!! WOW! Good thing with "house arrest" - she waited till the DAY BEFORE her due date...

Just look at me... (and her) when I was 9 months pregnant with my baby girl...

OH MY GOODNESS!

But I was so happy carrying that little girl... and now she's turning SEVEN?! When the heck did that happen? I just adore her... and so does everyone that meets her!! Hard to believe... SEVEN?! Can I PLEASE have another one?! Oh please? oh please? OH PLEASE?!

Birthdays... they're coming...

Oh my gosh so I just really got a grip of reality...



I have been thinking about my baby's birthday and wondering, worrying, STARTING to plan (nothing like being prepared) for her birthday on July 27th! I cannot believe that she is going to be SEVEN... yes... SEVEN. Hello?! When did that happen?! My BABY! But then I suddenly remember oh my goodness... CHRIS' BIRTHDAY IS THIS THURSDAY! UGHhhhhhhhhhhh! I am so unprepared... SO unprepared... but that is ok... he has given a few hints and I will get something together. He's pretty easy as far as what he likes to eat/birthday cake etc... But as far as gifts... well that's another story.

So right now I am going to try and figure out what to do for my baby's birthday and my hubby's birthday too! OH BOY! It's going to be a busy, busy week!! But at least this way it keeps me busy and my mind occupied instead of dwelling on the negative things!!

Well I guess I'd better go and some things PLANNED! = )
Musings on birthdays shall commence!!

Dear Lord...

our heavenly Father...
please be with me. hold me in
Your strong embrace to shield me from this pain.

watch over chris in his travels.

watch over my family as they travel.

take this feeling from my soul... i strive to be
like You want me to be. i endeavor to be the mommy,

wife,

& friend,

that You have put into my heart.

i know i fall short... forgive me dear Lord.

forgive me please, my complaining... i know
that i am truly blessed... truly blessed.

a men

~Bummah~

Well unfortunately it looks like we cannot go and visit our friend in Orlando this weekend... doggie sitting has it drawbacks... (although am having a lot of fun with three...yes three... extra pups - that's FIVE pups all together my friends!).

The crew... yep count 'em up! Moosey, Mugsy, Lily, Bozzy, and Shep...

They were all just gathered around me... love 'em all!

But i have to say - even though i am very disappointed at not seeing my friend(s) there... i realize that things happen for a reason.

After i broke the news to Mary, whom was equally as bummed as i, she called and well she isn't feeling well and this weekend would be hard on her and me driving. Soooo we decided to wait and maybe next weekend we will try for Boo's SEVENTH (gulp) birthday. And perhaps that way Boo can pick out a nice birthday present at Disney Marketplace!!

So maybe it is all for the best... I don't want to over do, I do not want to drive alone (Mr. Daddy wouldn't be coming with us this wkend), Mare's not feeling well, and well Boo's birthday is next week! Sooooo I believe God watches out for us. I believe He knows what's best. I believe that things will be ok....

A day to remember...

Well I am telling you... it has not been my week... (even though today's Monday). I have been down, tired, hurting, upset, & stressed... HOWEVER... my last post was about the journey - not the destination. To look at the little things and be happy... so I have been telling myself to "GET OVER me and stop dwelling on the negative".

Well I forced myself out of bed this AM (after another LATE night of no sleep) and little Boo had a list of what we were to do today (you see - it was just the two of us today and I wanted her to have a GREAT day). It went something like this:

"Things to Do. Cep

Crac fo Coyt. Pant

My Bol.

Pik yellow

ToMatos.

PLay Pale

Paciks.

Wach a Mvee.

Go to The

Bech.

Mame

aNd Boo (backwards B)"

(Translation if you must... and must I didn't I am proud to say: Keep track of Couette (coo-yett in Boo lang) -her special blankie since she was BORN). Paint my bowl. Pick yellow tomatoes (I am growing in my aero-garden). Play Polly Pockets. Watch a movie. Go to the beach. Mommy and Boo).

This was my Boo's list and it just lit my heart on fire. I knew that no matter what...(and especially after preaching to myself in my post, last night, about "the little things") I needed to do as much as I could on that list with Boo today. I needed to really be in the moment today with her. Ya see, I want excellent memories for her of time spent with me for BOTH my girls. I find it tres tres important.

So... after I used up all the hot water to loosen my back, packed up, we set out to the beach. See I thought we could hit 2 things on her list at once! We played Polly pockets ON the beach!!! AH ha HA!! Smart thinking Mame...!!! It started off a bit rocky. On the way to the beach Mame had a little break-down and needed Mr Daddy's help. He did what Mr Daddy does and tried to fix me... saying "do you know how many mom's out there REALLY wish that they could do what you're doin'?". Honestly... it didn't make me mad... very sad that I was feeling the way I was and guilty too. Why was I blubbering on about everything. But he didn't say it to offend me - only to get me to grab on to my baby and cherish this day.

Sure things were not perfect with certain situations arising... but ya know... this day was perfect for us - Mame and BooBooBear. At first I had to force myself to get moving and really BE with Boo... but then it was so much fun! SO MUCH FUN!

And do you know we did EVERYTHING and THEN some on that list!??!

Yes we did...

Musing on a great... no... on a PERFECT day!

My little earrings...

I got these earrings to help me in my ceramic's endeavor... now... I just cannot get enough of them. They are my favorite right now. My absolute FAVORITE! Je les aime!! Beaucoup!

It's funny how something so small can just make you feel so good when you think you can't. Just putting them on makes me grin.

It's silly - I find myself trying to find something in my wardrobe that will match them... funny - just two little scalloped- shaped earrings.

But they've become my muse and I am busy dabbling in my porcelain... I won't say more so as not to ruin the surprise! But I am very much lovin' my muse earrings!!

I love that something can give you comfort. Two 'little things' can give comfort and joy... it makes me think, that it is these little things that are what we miss in life sometimes. I have started to really look at things closely. I would really like to focus on this aspect in life - than worrying about the big picture. Especially when it pertains to my kiddos! My oldest (Elfkin) she made me some earrings... BEAUTIFUL ones (and I think those will help Momma with the muse bug)! But it was that generous "little something" that I want to remember and focus upon!!

I am going to take the rest of this summer and really focus on finding joy in these little things or moments. So what?! My house is a mess... but I played a game this AM with Mr Daddy, Boo and my Elfkin. Yeah I have a yard that needs a lot of work - but we had a fun afternoon laughing with the girls. Life's crazy and fun and stressful and dynamic but looking for random, beautiful snippets. This is what I want to remember and smile about this summer.

I love my earrings... My muses.

They inspire me~ They got me working on something I love~ They got me to really look around and think about what I love to do. Heck - if they can make me happy... maybe I can make something that will make somebody else just as happy and want to think about things like I will!!

Muse Musings... huh how 'bout that!?

Time... is not on my side...

Well it's late again... what was the time last post... oh yeah 3:45am... now it's 3:06am. I have done a lot of pondering these late hours over the last few days. It's been a hard week. But my pondering has been actually very informative. Thank goodness for the web and books! WOW! I've learned a bit about some friends & family news. Got to connect blogwise with my sister (love you!!). sigh... I really miss a lot of people! And part of missing people is because of lack of traveling. Lack of traveling is because well no rough stuff for this stinkin' back and right now pas d'argent. Poo. Can I say Merde even though it's naughty - it sounds better in another language oui?

Therefore this summer has been a slow summer... but a great summer! I am trying to "enjoy the journey not the destination". I haven't been able to do a lot of the fast-paced, death defying, crazy things I've done in past summers (again stinky). I was prescribed to take it easy, VERY easy, no lifting, carrying, running, jumping, standing too long, sitting too long, (you get the idea), no physical stresses to my body - means - well it means just that... so I have done a lot other things to make up for that (truth be told - i've done some naughty unprescribed things too but shhhhhhh don't read this small print)!

But alas back to point (it's late remember?), resting and being calm equals no travel (cue sigh again... right...about... now) so therefore I've been thinking a lot about France and missing it.

WOW! Did you read that??? SHOCKER below:
Do you know people... when I first moved to France I thought my life was over?! Yes you read that correctly! HELLO?! I was a SENIOR IN HIGHSCHOOL my friends...!!

Yet the most important lady in the entire universe (besides my mom of course - but she learned from this lady...) my NAIN (grandmother to all you non-Chase/Rider types) told me:

"Kymbi... someday you will look back and you will cherish that you were fortunate enough to live in France".

The young, silly and super-naive, blinded by first love, 18-yr old- me said: "No Nain I don't think so... please let me live with you". But she persisted that someday I would MISS FRANCE... and look... here it is... you saw the proof above!!! I MISS FRANCE. I miss the language, the smells, the antiquity, the laissez faire de les gens, Paris, Dijon... yep even a little bit of THE DREADED Chambon sur Lignon (insert the musical emphasis dah, dahhhh, dahmmmmmm!!), the history, the customs... yep I miss France.

France truly came on my mind more so today. I was fortunate to be accompanied by two very wonderful people to a French restaurant south of us in posh-Sarasota! My dear friend Amy along with her baby guy Jack-Jack (who gave me the cutest smile to which I saved it in my heart to help warm it - these late nights of blahs) told me about this place and asked me if I wanted to go (long, choppy sentence sorry). Well since I had been missing it - I couldn't get it outta my mind (or salivary glands)... so away we went. 1 word... YUM! And the company c'était formidable!!

But now the yearn pour l'échapper belle - the great escape... to see France with my girls has come. To show them where I lived. To show them things I learned. To show them how their mommy became changed - stronger, sure of herself, independent, versed in another whole belle language. To show them how she learned to love a country-so she can share it with them - even though she DID NOT set out to do so.

Maybe this summer... while not being able to be "adventurous" physically... I can be adventurous with my girls and start them learning French. (Maybe it can help me too - because OOH-LA-LA this femme's - well let's just say mon français est très rouillé). I can take a picture walk with them through my MANY albums and photos of the many times I spent all over in lovely France...

Musing of France... sigh...

Bisous bien sur...
PS: Will try to find some photos of the trip I took with Chris one winter and post a few... maybe it will also help to satisfy that j'ai le virus du voyage!!

Why am i still up?

hmmm time clicks... it is late... but I cannot go to sleep. Why? Not sure. I have to say that part of it is that I love the quiet and "me time" when everyone else is asleep... but it also makes me so "not me" the next morning. I have gotten stuck in a rut of not sleeping as I should and sleeping in a bit too much.

Could part of it be a bit of self-loathing, unhappiness, stress, or what's the word for "escapeness"? Or could it also be because if I fall asleep - I know that tomorrow will be THAT much harder to wake up. Pain stinks. Pain really stinks. My back. Always my back. I truly hate my back right now. It's ugly with 2 scars and possibly a third one soon, but mostly it is the scars that no one sees... that I don't share with anyone, how scared I am of not being able to walk again (i've been there... done that). Too many scars to list...

When I wake up - I don't bounce... I drag, slide, sometimes crawl... It's awful. It's my nemesis-this pain. It makes me sad and makes me want to scream, yet is ALWAYS there. But at least MY pain makes me realize I am still alive... I am still here. I think back to when my pain all began - it was worse... I guess if one can quantify pain that way. All I could do with two tiny babies, no true friends close-by, and not being able to walk -literally... was just lie on the floor... play on the floor, watch tv or read on the floor... and be angry. But I think also I got to really be "there" on the kiddos level... Pain stinks... but it also makes me realize how lucky I am - and really... what do I have to complain about??

Other people have so much in their lives going on... I hate to complain or even mention my back. But you do have to have an outlet right?! I know my hubby gets sick of hearing me tell him what the latest is going on today. I mean I can walk (albeit sometimes with an ugly limp or hunched over) but mostly normal. I don't cry about it (heck - don't cry about most things - unless it's late... and it's "me time" and even then I have a hard time).

But I have to say... it's gotten me down lately. Did I make the right decision on waiting to have surgery, waiting to see truly if that's what I need to do. Should I have just bit the bullet and done the big, scary surgery. SHOULD I even do ANY surgery. I mean, it's not on an emergency basis (right now) like last summer's surgery was. Yet I need to do something. I am 36... not 80... Pain stinks... Pain is debilitating, what do I do??? Am I really doing things right by "taking things slow" this summer? Or am I just fooling myself and annoying all my loved ones, friends, family, the like... with all things relating to my back... and my stupid, yucky, always there, physical pain. It leads to some emotional pain too let me tell ya... stoooopid pain (said in my best homer simpson voice... which I don't watch so it's really funny to hear me even quote him).

Yes it's late, yes I am rambling, yes I am tired, yes I am in pain... severe pain tonight - 2 "heavy meds" at once pain (never really have done that), yes I can beat this... I must - not for me but my family. But why so much pain that comes when IT wants to come... and never quite goes away? Why does it constantly make me want to cry - but I can't. I feel a bit lost... I feel a bit down... I feel very alone. I feel nobody can understand. But EVERYONE can understand pain - they each have theirs.

My wonderful mentor and dear, dear friend has 2 life changing diseases... Interstitial cystitis (IC ) (which we thought Boo might have (or may have) http://marrinersmusings.blogspot.com/2009/02/what-we-would-do-for-our-kids-if-we.html) and fibromyalgia. Yet she smiles, and comes and visits, rides on the boat, hugs me, gives me advice, loves me, and truly inspires me. I want to be like her. I want to grab life by the reins and say "I can do this" - in my meek voice. I might be down and in pain - but I won't let it stop me from being me... but today I can't. I can't sleep. I can't walk. I can't be me... not today.

I leave this musing - as mixed-up and not readable as it is (like I said -it's VERY late) - with a prayer...

Lord, my God, please be with those that I love who are suffering from one form of pain or another. My inflictions pale in comparison to many I love, many I care for... why do I wrap my soul, O Lord, in self-doubt, in my pain? My iniquities shame me. My pain blinds me from seeing life right in front of me. O God, my God thank You for the blessings that You give me each and every day. Let me see joy and not the darkness that veils my eyes. Help me to strive to be better and have faith that You, God, abides. That You will help me through this pain... help me be me again. That You will be with my friends & family that need You... just as much as I need You.... Thank You Lord. amen